Yes, I have finally come to admit I am a type A personality...whatever that means. I already know that I have a red colored parachute...I took several tests to prove that one when I lived in Clovis, NM. So the semester did not go out with quiet the bang I wanted it too. Needless to say I got in trouble. I willingly admit, I made a mistake (I am not going to go into the details because I am not the only person involved). However there was a chain of communication (and the lack thereof) that lead to me having to write an extra essay and three apology letters. The essay on civility in academia I had to write was enlightening. While there are valid complaints of faculty receiving abuse from students, there are equally valid complaints of students receiving poor and improper treatment from their instructors. One author of many of the articles I read suggested there are three types of students: those that conform, those that quit, and those that speak up. It's rather obvious which group I fit into. My father willingly admits there are two things he failed to teach me when growing up (being a girl is not one of them): grace and humility. He says that teaching those virtues are not easy for a single parent, but to teach daughters (from a father's perspective) to stand up for themselves and to speak out against injustice is harder...not to mention teaching your protege tact...well thats rather challenging when the child sees and hears all. I do see and hear all, I am rather intuitive. My general dislike for authority stems from the fact I have been in a position of authority for a good portion of my life, from my understanding of what a leader should be, and from a specific inicident that occurred my sophmore year of college. I was in a statistics class. My professor was so arrogant, our text book was the one he wrote himself. We were to learn how to calculate t-tests. If you know me, you know complicated math is not my strong suit. I was failing to understand a concept, so he called me stupid (YES he called me STUPID) in front of 40 people who didn't know me and told my partner to find a new one because all I would do is help her fail. Over Christmas break that year I had had my first kidney infection, I thought I was going through a relapse and was waiting for the results of my test, it was snowing that day so I was late for class. I forgot to turn off my cell phone and it rang in class. He YELLED at me about being late and disrespectful and again reiterated I was stupid. I quit the class that week, and vowed I would never take that kind of behavior from a professor again. I have been before an academic board for my words in my first degree, but it was determined the professor was in the wrong. I have had problems with bosses before. Yes, I have a problem with authority, but I have high standards for those who are suppose to be my superiors. If they don't meet those standards they will know it through my behavior. Now this would be a problem if I was in the military and it became a problem this semester, and it may be a problem in my future career. I could try to rationalize my behavior by saying Dr Sheep and Dr Fails Us All tried to find every oppurtunity to lecture me about being professional and representing the military because I was an officers wife I am held to a higher standard and whatnot. All semester. I was constantly interupted by them and insulted. What happened at the end of the semester was the straw that broke the camel's back. So I am not sorry for what I said to them. At all. I know that seems immature, rude, and uncivil, but I am not a conformist. I know my actions will not change anything, but I hold out the hope that there are enough students like me at our school to make a difference. If enough of us continuously point out the problems, semester after semester, maybe, just maybe, something will be done. Education, especially education in the healthcare field, should not harbor this kind of hostility and defensiveness, this kind of hypocracy, lies, and frustration.
So when all was said and done...if the incident had not occured I passed with A's and B's. Now it is up to Dr Sheep if I pass the semester at all, if I do I will still have A's and B's, just not as many A's as I deserve. My fate will not be decided until January, a week before 4th semester begins. So if they fail me, I may not be able to enter 3rd semester for the second time. I just want to make it clear, I am sorry for what I did, but I am not sorry for what I said to Dr Fails Us All and Dr Sheep. But I played the game. If anyone thinks I didn't learn anything from this they are wrong. I have learned I have rights too. And now I know what those are. I have learned who my true friends are and I have learned to run my mouth off to someone who will listen instead of someone who will judge.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Day 175 thru 185: Giving of yourself
This semester it has really been pressed that we are the future of nursing. We will bring nursing to higher levels and do great things for the people. We will make changes in healthcare. No pressure or anything. I am all about making a difference and I can definately see that I need to donate more of myself to others. We have been exposed to the poor way mental health patients are treated and the people who are dedicated to making it better with the minimal budgets they are given. We overlook communities that despirately need help, like the domestic violence shelters, that need food and clothing and monetary donations to help the families that are trying to break free of the abuse. Its a lot of pressure to be expected to change the world. But I will come back to this later.
Since med-surg clinical is finished we have started doing simulation labs. Last week we performed in a dog and pony show for a bunch of technicians and weirdos studying us. I do not like being a guinea pig. I also do like being in situations that are sneaky tricky. If something in the lab doesn't work, give us a heads up that we are suppose to handle it like we are suppose to in the hospital. And ps I don't speak spanish. I don't care if you speak it and English. If you are going to talk half and half to me I am going to get an interpreter whether you like it or not.
Lecture has been nothing but a waste of time. If you aren't going to talk about anything that makes sense or that is important to know for the test...don't make me come to class. I just don't know what is going on in research. We nailed our presentation. And I am about to burn my care plan...I still don't understand what she wants in that thing. I am so freaking glad the dang semester is almost over.
The Three Day: So back to giving of yourself. This past weekend I walk the Breast Cancer Three Day, sixty miles in three days. I made it 56...I have pulled some tendons in my left foot and dropped a bone in the arch, and because of the stress I have overstretched the ankle ligaments and the knee ligaments. So because I limped for three days I have an epic blister on my right foot. It always feels great to do charty work and raise awareness for a good cause and support a friend. However, my godfather make a good point. He wouldn't donate to me because nobody donates to prostate cancer. And in a way, I wish the three day walk wasn't just about breast cancer, but about all women's cancers. It would be great to see this kind of enthuiasm for all causes: cancer, other medical illnesses, domestic violence, kids issues, veterans....But you know charity has to start somewhere, if we eliminate was disease maybe that will start a chain reaction for charities everywhere. San Diego was a beautiful city, but the walk was miserable. It rained for two days and the hills sucked. I was not prepared to be wet and freezing cold.
Since med-surg clinical is finished we have started doing simulation labs. Last week we performed in a dog and pony show for a bunch of technicians and weirdos studying us. I do not like being a guinea pig. I also do like being in situations that are sneaky tricky. If something in the lab doesn't work, give us a heads up that we are suppose to handle it like we are suppose to in the hospital. And ps I don't speak spanish. I don't care if you speak it and English. If you are going to talk half and half to me I am going to get an interpreter whether you like it or not.
Lecture has been nothing but a waste of time. If you aren't going to talk about anything that makes sense or that is important to know for the test...don't make me come to class. I just don't know what is going on in research. We nailed our presentation. And I am about to burn my care plan...I still don't understand what she wants in that thing. I am so freaking glad the dang semester is almost over.
The Three Day: So back to giving of yourself. This past weekend I walk the Breast Cancer Three Day, sixty miles in three days. I made it 56...I have pulled some tendons in my left foot and dropped a bone in the arch, and because of the stress I have overstretched the ankle ligaments and the knee ligaments. So because I limped for three days I have an epic blister on my right foot. It always feels great to do charty work and raise awareness for a good cause and support a friend. However, my godfather make a good point. He wouldn't donate to me because nobody donates to prostate cancer. And in a way, I wish the three day walk wasn't just about breast cancer, but about all women's cancers. It would be great to see this kind of enthuiasm for all causes: cancer, other medical illnesses, domestic violence, kids issues, veterans....But you know charity has to start somewhere, if we eliminate was disease maybe that will start a chain reaction for charities everywhere. San Diego was a beautiful city, but the walk was miserable. It rained for two days and the hills sucked. I was not prepared to be wet and freezing cold.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Book Review
Yes ladies and gents I read, even though my nose is technically suppose to be to the grindstone on the nursing stuff. In a way it is. I take the time to read nursing related material and if the news has an interesting article or two I might read those. Some ask how I manage to have time to read anything other than textbooks. Well for one, in comparison to my peers I really watch very little tv. The most important thing is: I make time. Reading a little before a go to bed at night has been a routine of mine since I was a small child. When we were children, my siblings and I, our dad use to make us go to bed a half hour to an hour earlier than everyone else in the neighborhood so we could spend enforced :) quality time with a book. When we were too young to read, Dad read to us, but as we got older, we selected our own books. Dad didn't much care what they were about (within reason) as long as we were reading. Our summers were never spent idling in front of the tv (though we tried), we were given books to read over the summer. I read my first Shakespearean play the summer before my sixth grade year: Macbeth. Taking time to read has become so ingrained into my brain that I just naturally do it. It is habit, one I hope to instill in my children. So here we go with another round of reviews!
The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella by Stephenie Meyer: Swing and a miss!! While I highly enjoy Stephenie's creativity, her expressiveness and description leaves something to be desired. While this novella opened a new dimension to the Twilight Saga, she still needs to work on her character and plot development. While granted this was a novella for charity...when you have a great idea and are on a roll....RUN WITH IT!!! four out of ten...getting better but not there yet.
Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher: Anyone who knows me, knows I am almost a Star Wars expert (I fall a little short on the newer movies). However this book is not just about Carrie's experience with the movies...its in there, but its more of a satirical view of her diagnosis of bipolar depression. Totally appropriate for this semester seeing how I am in psych nursing. Carrie is hilarious! Her book is a quick read. She makes some wonderful heartful comments which show a deep insight into her disease and the damage it has caused in her life. She has unimaginable insight into life and what it means to love and lose (not to sound too cliche). I would actually like to read more of what she has written. eight out of ten...I think Ms Fisher missed her calling...writing.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith: HILARIOUS. Freaking HILARIOUS. The original Jane Austen is one of my favorite books. I am not sure whether she would be horrified or amused with what has been done to her manuscript, but I certainly enjoyed reading about proper English ladies kicking zombie butt Chinese style and all the while indirectly courting proper English gentlemen kicking zombie butt Japanese style. I also love the naughty Darcy! eight out of ten. BRAINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daughter of Ireland by Juilene Osborne-McKnight: Totally understand why this book was on the discounted rack. (Sorry Becca) I enjoyed reading the history of Ireland and the pronunciations and meanings of the Irish words than I did reading the story. The main character is one of the weakest heroines I have ever read and the story progresses rapidity. It was almost as if the author printed her outline rather than the full tale. The author would speed through the story, then slow down, be cryptic, then speed up again. The book ended rather abruptly...maybe she is intending to write a second novel? three out of ten.
We Band of Angels: The Untold Story of American Nurses Trapped on Bataan by the Japanese by Elizabeth M. Norman: These women are the inspiration I needed during this semester. Their story is truly amazing. I can only pray for the strength and fortitude these women showed on the front lines of the Philippines and in prison camp. I cannot imagine living through the horrors they did and come out the other end still wanting to be nurses. They are an inspiration to women and to Americans. These women are the type of role models young girls need. Through everything, their only thoughts were of their patients, of keeping a smiling face for those around them because that was their job as women, as American soldiers (YES SOLDIERS), and as nurses. Their journey makes me proud to join a profession with such distinguished and self-sacrificing women. I only pray I can live up to the standards these amazing women have established. The author is true to their stories, to the women themselves. It is wonderfully written and incorporates the photographs from the war that help emphasize the story. The author's Epilogue brings an insight and dimension that should be presented to all nursing students. Ten of ten. Thank you Dr Diabetes for your recommendation.
The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella by Stephenie Meyer: Swing and a miss!! While I highly enjoy Stephenie's creativity, her expressiveness and description leaves something to be desired. While this novella opened a new dimension to the Twilight Saga, she still needs to work on her character and plot development. While granted this was a novella for charity...when you have a great idea and are on a roll....RUN WITH IT!!! four out of ten...getting better but not there yet.
Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher: Anyone who knows me, knows I am almost a Star Wars expert (I fall a little short on the newer movies). However this book is not just about Carrie's experience with the movies...its in there, but its more of a satirical view of her diagnosis of bipolar depression. Totally appropriate for this semester seeing how I am in psych nursing. Carrie is hilarious! Her book is a quick read. She makes some wonderful heartful comments which show a deep insight into her disease and the damage it has caused in her life. She has unimaginable insight into life and what it means to love and lose (not to sound too cliche). I would actually like to read more of what she has written. eight out of ten...I think Ms Fisher missed her calling...writing.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith: HILARIOUS. Freaking HILARIOUS. The original Jane Austen is one of my favorite books. I am not sure whether she would be horrified or amused with what has been done to her manuscript, but I certainly enjoyed reading about proper English ladies kicking zombie butt Chinese style and all the while indirectly courting proper English gentlemen kicking zombie butt Japanese style. I also love the naughty Darcy! eight out of ten. BRAINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daughter of Ireland by Juilene Osborne-McKnight: Totally understand why this book was on the discounted rack. (Sorry Becca) I enjoyed reading the history of Ireland and the pronunciations and meanings of the Irish words than I did reading the story. The main character is one of the weakest heroines I have ever read and the story progresses rapidity. It was almost as if the author printed her outline rather than the full tale. The author would speed through the story, then slow down, be cryptic, then speed up again. The book ended rather abruptly...maybe she is intending to write a second novel? three out of ten.
We Band of Angels: The Untold Story of American Nurses Trapped on Bataan by the Japanese by Elizabeth M. Norman: These women are the inspiration I needed during this semester. Their story is truly amazing. I can only pray for the strength and fortitude these women showed on the front lines of the Philippines and in prison camp. I cannot imagine living through the horrors they did and come out the other end still wanting to be nurses. They are an inspiration to women and to Americans. These women are the type of role models young girls need. Through everything, their only thoughts were of their patients, of keeping a smiling face for those around them because that was their job as women, as American soldiers (YES SOLDIERS), and as nurses. Their journey makes me proud to join a profession with such distinguished and self-sacrificing women. I only pray I can live up to the standards these amazing women have established. The author is true to their stories, to the women themselves. It is wonderfully written and incorporates the photographs from the war that help emphasize the story. The author's Epilogue brings an insight and dimension that should be presented to all nursing students. Ten of ten. Thank you Dr Diabetes for your recommendation.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Day 167 thru 173: No Heart
I am sorry I have been sparse with my communication. Its not like anyone reads this (well Debbie does!! Thanks Debbie!!) This semester has gone by painfully slow. Med-surg clinical ended and I finally registered for my last semester of nursing school! Thank God!
The last day of med surg clinical was uneventful...even though we were in the ER. Here is a clue for you all to get through to the Dr in the ER quickly...complain of shortness of breath and chest pain and you are automatically high priority. Although...it is dishonest and you are wasting valuable resources, taking care away from patients who really need it and ultimately contributing to the high cost and corruption of the health care system, but you know not everyone sees it that way. And if you are overweight you can expect to be short of breath and sometimes that causes chest pain cause you are wheezing. Oh and ps you drug seekers those ER nurses know who you are and aren't buying your crap...you are flagged in their systems!
I did finally get to go somewhere other than the county mental health facility. I went to an outpatient clinic that is in despirite need of money and help. They really care about their patients and they try inventive and unique therapies to help their patients. I got to sit in on an anger management class, which was personally enlightening, and I sat in on music therapy. Its amazing how much joy a little empty bottle with rice in it can bring to someone with a duel diagnosis. We talked with the nurse manager about donations and volunteers. But for some odd reason she had some issues with that. She said there are so many regulations on volunteers and donations they don't ask for them, but they despirately need them!! I was truly impressed with the staff and the patients of this facility and truly hope they get the help they need.
The next place we went to was Juvy and court! It was their that I realized what a cold hearted bitch I truly am. I did not feel sorry for any of the kids I saw. I saw a lot of DUIs and substance abuse and possession. Freaking ridiculous. I did not even feel sorry for the kids that didn't have parents. I feel that at a certain point no matter how bad your upbringing you know the difference between right and wrong and should be held accountable for your actions. We really didn't get to see much in the jail, they were changing shifts and so everyone was on lock down. But what are you going to do?
My grades have been up and down everywhere! And its shocking that I am doing the best in the class I hate the most. Jeremy told me his theory on my lack of caring this semester. I am burnt out...and my heart is just not in it. He's right. With all the disappointments we had this semester and all the high hopes dashed I completely lost all feeling for this semester and what I am doing. I hope it will change in the coming weeks and my classmates are helping, but we will see.
The last day of med surg clinical was uneventful...even though we were in the ER. Here is a clue for you all to get through to the Dr in the ER quickly...complain of shortness of breath and chest pain and you are automatically high priority. Although...it is dishonest and you are wasting valuable resources, taking care away from patients who really need it and ultimately contributing to the high cost and corruption of the health care system, but you know not everyone sees it that way. And if you are overweight you can expect to be short of breath and sometimes that causes chest pain cause you are wheezing. Oh and ps you drug seekers those ER nurses know who you are and aren't buying your crap...you are flagged in their systems!
I did finally get to go somewhere other than the county mental health facility. I went to an outpatient clinic that is in despirite need of money and help. They really care about their patients and they try inventive and unique therapies to help their patients. I got to sit in on an anger management class, which was personally enlightening, and I sat in on music therapy. Its amazing how much joy a little empty bottle with rice in it can bring to someone with a duel diagnosis. We talked with the nurse manager about donations and volunteers. But for some odd reason she had some issues with that. She said there are so many regulations on volunteers and donations they don't ask for them, but they despirately need them!! I was truly impressed with the staff and the patients of this facility and truly hope they get the help they need.
The next place we went to was Juvy and court! It was their that I realized what a cold hearted bitch I truly am. I did not feel sorry for any of the kids I saw. I saw a lot of DUIs and substance abuse and possession. Freaking ridiculous. I did not even feel sorry for the kids that didn't have parents. I feel that at a certain point no matter how bad your upbringing you know the difference between right and wrong and should be held accountable for your actions. We really didn't get to see much in the jail, they were changing shifts and so everyone was on lock down. But what are you going to do?
My grades have been up and down everywhere! And its shocking that I am doing the best in the class I hate the most. Jeremy told me his theory on my lack of caring this semester. I am burnt out...and my heart is just not in it. He's right. With all the disappointments we had this semester and all the high hopes dashed I completely lost all feeling for this semester and what I am doing. I hope it will change in the coming weeks and my classmates are helping, but we will see.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Day 152 thru 166: My Life as a Greek Tragedy
This is a story...a story about...suspicion and paranoia...hubris and the downfall...politics and ethics....death and life...and a weird Electra complex.
Suspicion and paranoia:
Always in a Greek play there is murder and mystery and in Shakespeare there is suspicion and paranoia...so maybe this part is more like a Shakespearean play rather than a Greek one. Dr Fails us All went to a conference with the "dean" of our school (I use that term "dean" loosley...I am not entirely sure what she does), and at this conference learned about the new and magical ways students are cheating. Scratch your nose...the answer is A, tap your pencil on the desk...the answer is B, look up the answer is C, clear your throat the answer is D. So at the beginning of our test she told us she would be roaming the room watching us for any of these so called "signals" we were sending to eachother. I was so focused on not making a twitch during the test, I couldn't focus on the test. There is something mentally wrong with that woman. If we were cheaters we would not have made as far as we have in the program, not to mention we all know that cheating will just screw us all over in the end...we still have to pass the NCLEX. Have you ever seen "Conspiracy Theory"? The one where Mel Gibson has a million copies of "Catcher in the Rye"? Honestly, I think Dr Fails us All is a highly paranoid schizophrenic with rapid cycle bipolar.
Hubris and Downfall:
Everyone knows how much I love the heart. Eventually after I wear myself out in the Trauma/ER I would like to be a cardiac care nurse. After I graduate I do plan to take an ACLS course. I brag about the wonderful grade I received on the first semester cardiac test. I talk about working in a cardio clinic. And yet some how I managed to get one of the worst grades I have received in nursing school. I Lord forgive me for I have sinned! I see the error of my ways!!! Pride is a sin. And I was a cardio sinner and I have learned my lesson. I am now humbled and ashamed.
Politics and Ethics:
The other day in lab we went through a mock code. Before we went into it, we were discussing everyone's experiences in clinical. A couple of the girls were talking about their chance to do CPR on a pt who coded. They performed CPR for 45 minutes on the person until he finally died. My comments about not having the patience to do CPR for 45 minutes came out in the wrong way. I first look at the situation like this: unless you are Superman, no one should have to do CPR for 45 minutes. I was under the impression there was only two of them doing CPR, when in fact there was a group of people helping with compressions. Then I thought about the patient. Not knowing their background...I made a judgement call. What kind of quality of life would someone have IF they survived? The brain can survive without oxygen for up to six minutes. After six minutes brain cells deprived of oxygen begin to die causing brain damage. While early onset of CPR may extend this time, ultimately the cells will die. I could not find an exact time at which brain death occurs, not to mention its a long and lengthy process and legal process, to determine brain death. But the point is, after 45 minutes of CPR, if the person survives what kind of quality of life will that person have, if any, and what kind of stress are you placing on the family and the healthcare system? If a person repeatedly codes, at what point in time do we let nature take its course? There is something to be said for letting nature take its course. I am all for saving lives and doing what needs to be done for as long as it needs to be done, but I am also a realist. I am also not one for false hope. I know right now I am not skill and seasoned enough to know when someone will die, but there are nurses that do know. Why, when the main purpose of nursing is to care, do we go to extremes to prevent the inevitable...and in the long run cause more damage in a myraid of different areas?
Death and Life:
I absolutely love the ER! We got to spend a day in the ER...finally! I stuck so many IVs and took so much blood. It was fantastic. I watched an intubation...I would really like to do that and I smelled the fruity breath of a diabetic in ketoacidosis. It was fabulous. I could have worked in there for more than the ten hours we were there. But alas!! All things must die! This is the last week of med-surg clinical and I only got to see the ER once. I wish Psych clinical would die...instead. But isn't that the way of tragic plays? The person you love the most is the one who dies?
Weird Electra Complex:
It wouldn't be a Greek play without some complex. It has nothing to do with school. One of my favorite shows is NCIS. I so have a thing for Mark Harmon. The man is a silver haired fox! His character on the show makes him even more attractive. He is an ex-marine with a type-A personality. He has this silent commanding way, but has layers, like an onion, and a creamy middle. He is a man's man. Every time I watch the show, I remind Jeremy that if he is like Gibbs at that age...woohoo! Well last time we watched the show he turned to me said, "I can tell you the real reason you are attracted to Gibbs." I asked him not to tell me because I knew he would ruin it. He smiled wickedly at me "It's because he's just like your father!" he said triumphantly. Gross. Absolutely gross. But ladies can you blame me? Mark Harmon without the character...yum. And who wouldn't be attracted to a man who knows what he wants in life? Who can be a snappy dresser, and has a charming smile. I am not saying my dad isn't any of these things (I just threw up a little in my mouth), but Mark/ Gibbs is a totally different animal. They are like the butterflies that mimic eachother, but one is poisonous (ie my dad) and the other is harmless and they don't breed together. Ok I am just making this a lot worse, but needless to say Gross.
Suspicion and paranoia:
Always in a Greek play there is murder and mystery and in Shakespeare there is suspicion and paranoia...so maybe this part is more like a Shakespearean play rather than a Greek one. Dr Fails us All went to a conference with the "dean" of our school (I use that term "dean" loosley...I am not entirely sure what she does), and at this conference learned about the new and magical ways students are cheating. Scratch your nose...the answer is A, tap your pencil on the desk...the answer is B, look up the answer is C, clear your throat the answer is D. So at the beginning of our test she told us she would be roaming the room watching us for any of these so called "signals" we were sending to eachother. I was so focused on not making a twitch during the test, I couldn't focus on the test. There is something mentally wrong with that woman. If we were cheaters we would not have made as far as we have in the program, not to mention we all know that cheating will just screw us all over in the end...we still have to pass the NCLEX. Have you ever seen "Conspiracy Theory"? The one where Mel Gibson has a million copies of "Catcher in the Rye"? Honestly, I think Dr Fails us All is a highly paranoid schizophrenic with rapid cycle bipolar.
Hubris and Downfall:
Everyone knows how much I love the heart. Eventually after I wear myself out in the Trauma/ER I would like to be a cardiac care nurse. After I graduate I do plan to take an ACLS course. I brag about the wonderful grade I received on the first semester cardiac test. I talk about working in a cardio clinic. And yet some how I managed to get one of the worst grades I have received in nursing school. I Lord forgive me for I have sinned! I see the error of my ways!!! Pride is a sin. And I was a cardio sinner and I have learned my lesson. I am now humbled and ashamed.
Politics and Ethics:
The other day in lab we went through a mock code. Before we went into it, we were discussing everyone's experiences in clinical. A couple of the girls were talking about their chance to do CPR on a pt who coded. They performed CPR for 45 minutes on the person until he finally died. My comments about not having the patience to do CPR for 45 minutes came out in the wrong way. I first look at the situation like this: unless you are Superman, no one should have to do CPR for 45 minutes. I was under the impression there was only two of them doing CPR, when in fact there was a group of people helping with compressions. Then I thought about the patient. Not knowing their background...I made a judgement call. What kind of quality of life would someone have IF they survived? The brain can survive without oxygen for up to six minutes. After six minutes brain cells deprived of oxygen begin to die causing brain damage. While early onset of CPR may extend this time, ultimately the cells will die. I could not find an exact time at which brain death occurs, not to mention its a long and lengthy process and legal process, to determine brain death. But the point is, after 45 minutes of CPR, if the person survives what kind of quality of life will that person have, if any, and what kind of stress are you placing on the family and the healthcare system? If a person repeatedly codes, at what point in time do we let nature take its course? There is something to be said for letting nature take its course. I am all for saving lives and doing what needs to be done for as long as it needs to be done, but I am also a realist. I am also not one for false hope. I know right now I am not skill and seasoned enough to know when someone will die, but there are nurses that do know. Why, when the main purpose of nursing is to care, do we go to extremes to prevent the inevitable...and in the long run cause more damage in a myraid of different areas?
Death and Life:
I absolutely love the ER! We got to spend a day in the ER...finally! I stuck so many IVs and took so much blood. It was fantastic. I watched an intubation...I would really like to do that and I smelled the fruity breath of a diabetic in ketoacidosis. It was fabulous. I could have worked in there for more than the ten hours we were there. But alas!! All things must die! This is the last week of med-surg clinical and I only got to see the ER once. I wish Psych clinical would die...instead. But isn't that the way of tragic plays? The person you love the most is the one who dies?
Weird Electra Complex:
It wouldn't be a Greek play without some complex. It has nothing to do with school. One of my favorite shows is NCIS. I so have a thing for Mark Harmon. The man is a silver haired fox! His character on the show makes him even more attractive. He is an ex-marine with a type-A personality. He has this silent commanding way, but has layers, like an onion, and a creamy middle. He is a man's man. Every time I watch the show, I remind Jeremy that if he is like Gibbs at that age...woohoo! Well last time we watched the show he turned to me said, "I can tell you the real reason you are attracted to Gibbs." I asked him not to tell me because I knew he would ruin it. He smiled wickedly at me "It's because he's just like your father!" he said triumphantly. Gross. Absolutely gross. But ladies can you blame me? Mark Harmon without the character...yum. And who wouldn't be attracted to a man who knows what he wants in life? Who can be a snappy dresser, and has a charming smile. I am not saying my dad isn't any of these things (I just threw up a little in my mouth), but Mark/ Gibbs is a totally different animal. They are like the butterflies that mimic eachother, but one is poisonous (ie my dad) and the other is harmless and they don't breed together. Ok I am just making this a lot worse, but needless to say Gross.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Day 136 thru 151: Stand up for what you believe in.
I am going to get on a soap box in this blog. Anyone who knows me and knows me well (which is very few people), knows that I have several soap boxes. Soap box number one being Leadership...this is like soap box 131 or something, but I am going to call it soap box two (a cute idea I picked up from NCIS...Gibbs has numbered rules, I have numbered soap boxes.) So without further delay Soapbox #2: Stand Up For What You Believe In!
So the meeting with the asst Dean I will call her Dr Diabetes (I know I had a different name for her when she was my peds prof but I cannot remember what it was so we will go with this one), did not go well. I was prepared. I had a steno pad with notes of my concerns, I wore a cardigan sweater! I expressed my concerns in a professional manner and Dr Fails Us All lied through her teeth the entire time!!!!!! Dr Diabetes ate it up. Apparently she did some "investigation" concerning psych lab and realized "it truly is an extension of clinical" HA!! What a load of crap!!! But what was I going to do? What was I going to say that I hadn't already said? I could only hope that the next two students with complaints would bring down the brick wall I had encountered. No such luck. Apparently it is school policy to follow the proper chain of command...and the underlying policy is to undermine student concerns, play political double talk and pray the students are stupid and defeated enough not to take it any farther. Well not me! They picked the wrong student! Unfortunately no one else has my fighting spirit.
And now again, another problem. We have four weeks left in Med Surg clinical and we have yet to venture further than a Med Surg floor. We were promised experiences in ICU and ER...part of the advanced med surg experience, but the Education b**** at our hospital has ignored our pleas and those of our instructor, while other less qualified groups have won accalades for their assisstance of advance care groups. Now I have discussed with one of my classmates about bringing this a matter to the attention of the b**** in person, but they would like to just bring it to her attention...nothing more. Here comes the soap box: RISE UP!! Stand up for what you believe in!!!!!!!!! We are paying damn good money and working our ASSES off to become damn fine nurses. I WILL NOT let the prejudice of some b**** get in the way of my learning. I let the whole Dr Fails Us All roll...this I will not. How long will we let these people walk all over us? How long will we stand for mistreatment? Think about this ladies...how long would it have taken for change to come to the nursing profession if Florence Nightengale had said nothing? Had not taken charge of a situation? What about Susan B Anthony and the ladies of the sufferage movement? You may not think that our situation is as dire or as important, that it is better to keep your head down let it roll off and just graduate. But what you do is not for just yourself, but for everyone in your class and for the classes behind you. I don't know about you all but my education is important to me and I worked f-ing hard to get here. So this is no small matter to me. I have always been one to stand up against injustice (and yes this is unjust) no matter how small...it starts small....with just one. So whether I get blacklisted or not I am going to stand up for my education and what I know is right and talk to the b**** if I am still on that godforsaken floor. Stand up for yourselves and quit letting these people mop the floor with us. Nursing school should not be this demoralizing.
Ok soap box sort of over... but I will save it for another day.
I truly hate psych nursing. We don't do anything! In lab all we do is role play. I have to sit in class with a blank stare on my face so Dr Fails Us All thinks I am paying attention. In all honesty I am practicing my zen meditation. No seriously, watch me in class I am counting my breathing and I am sitting zen posture. Clinical is not much different: preconference, paperwork, Mini mental on a crazy, post conference. Working with the mentally insane is kind of creepy. Like working in a horror movie, you never know when one is going to speak in tongues or turn a sickly grey puke and then attack you.
Lectures are not much more exciting. Nor is med surg clinical. Ever since I found out about the B52 I have been looking for excuses to give them to patients. Mine from last week could have used one.
So the meeting with the asst Dean I will call her Dr Diabetes (I know I had a different name for her when she was my peds prof but I cannot remember what it was so we will go with this one), did not go well. I was prepared. I had a steno pad with notes of my concerns, I wore a cardigan sweater! I expressed my concerns in a professional manner and Dr Fails Us All lied through her teeth the entire time!!!!!! Dr Diabetes ate it up. Apparently she did some "investigation" concerning psych lab and realized "it truly is an extension of clinical" HA!! What a load of crap!!! But what was I going to do? What was I going to say that I hadn't already said? I could only hope that the next two students with complaints would bring down the brick wall I had encountered. No such luck. Apparently it is school policy to follow the proper chain of command...and the underlying policy is to undermine student concerns, play political double talk and pray the students are stupid and defeated enough not to take it any farther. Well not me! They picked the wrong student! Unfortunately no one else has my fighting spirit.
And now again, another problem. We have four weeks left in Med Surg clinical and we have yet to venture further than a Med Surg floor. We were promised experiences in ICU and ER...part of the advanced med surg experience, but the Education b**** at our hospital has ignored our pleas and those of our instructor, while other less qualified groups have won accalades for their assisstance of advance care groups. Now I have discussed with one of my classmates about bringing this a matter to the attention of the b**** in person, but they would like to just bring it to her attention...nothing more. Here comes the soap box: RISE UP!! Stand up for what you believe in!!!!!!!!! We are paying damn good money and working our ASSES off to become damn fine nurses. I WILL NOT let the prejudice of some b**** get in the way of my learning. I let the whole Dr Fails Us All roll...this I will not. How long will we let these people walk all over us? How long will we stand for mistreatment? Think about this ladies...how long would it have taken for change to come to the nursing profession if Florence Nightengale had said nothing? Had not taken charge of a situation? What about Susan B Anthony and the ladies of the sufferage movement? You may not think that our situation is as dire or as important, that it is better to keep your head down let it roll off and just graduate. But what you do is not for just yourself, but for everyone in your class and for the classes behind you. I don't know about you all but my education is important to me and I worked f-ing hard to get here. So this is no small matter to me. I have always been one to stand up against injustice (and yes this is unjust) no matter how small...it starts small....with just one. So whether I get blacklisted or not I am going to stand up for my education and what I know is right and talk to the b**** if I am still on that godforsaken floor. Stand up for yourselves and quit letting these people mop the floor with us. Nursing school should not be this demoralizing.
Ok soap box sort of over... but I will save it for another day.
I truly hate psych nursing. We don't do anything! In lab all we do is role play. I have to sit in class with a blank stare on my face so Dr Fails Us All thinks I am paying attention. In all honesty I am practicing my zen meditation. No seriously, watch me in class I am counting my breathing and I am sitting zen posture. Clinical is not much different: preconference, paperwork, Mini mental on a crazy, post conference. Working with the mentally insane is kind of creepy. Like working in a horror movie, you never know when one is going to speak in tongues or turn a sickly grey puke and then attack you.
Lectures are not much more exciting. Nor is med surg clinical. Ever since I found out about the B52 I have been looking for excuses to give them to patients. Mine from last week could have used one.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Days 119-135: When in doubt "Tell me more about..."
I am going to start off by saying, in the brief time I have been in class I have decided I HATE psych nursing. Its not merely the fact that I have no interest in psych whatsoever, it is the professors that make it difficult for me to enjoy the class. The semester started out just fine, but then I found out part of my grade for major projects is based on how I am dressed. Seven percent of our presentation is in the way we dress!!! If we don't dress in the way specified by the professors we loose an entire letter grade. Anyone else think that is ridiculous raise your hand. I am sorry Dr. Fails-us-All and Dr. Sheep, but you are there to teach me psych nursing. Not how to dress for an interview!!! Oh and PS I am 27 years old and have had a TON of interviews I am capable of dressing professionally...thank you very much.
Now everyone knows how much I hate drama...I hate it. But it seems to follow Dr. Fails-us-All and Dr Sheep. They seem like sweet, innocent old ladies, but they harbor the mentality of the Wicked Witches...East and West. The horror started during orientation to the psych facilities we would be working at. While it was not directly related to me, it was related to an other student, whom I happen to like. She was singled out for her past history and told she would not be able work with a variety of patients and there were serious issues with her dress. Needless to say both professors made a judgement call about her without even knowing her for more than two hours....and in a group setting. As psych nurses, they should have acted more professional and not made assumptions about someone based on minute observations. They have succeeded in turning a class of students against them in one act. We are like an amoeba attack one of our appendages and we will attack you back. The horror for me and several others a week later.
We were to go through an experiment called "Hearing Voices". It is suppose to simulate auditory hallucinations that are experienced by schizophrenics. It started off like creepy horror movie whispers and manic laughing...it freaked me out. Then this loud voice started yelling in my ear. The loud voice was no problem, just tuned that one out, although it was shocking. It was the whispery voices that bothered me the most. We had to listen to these voices for 45mins while doing different tasks. By the end of the 45 mins I was done...mentally done. I started to have a panic attack. The way I deal with panic attacks is to exercise or lay down...since I was in my scrubs at lab, exercise was out. So during break, in the classroom, with other students, I laid down on the floor to calm myself down. While Dr Sheep had no problem with this, Dr Fails-us-All decided that I was acting unprofessional and demanded I get up. I got up slowly from laying down so I didn't antagonize the problem and she yelled at me again...thank you to my fellow students that were defending me. So Dr Fails-us-All drags me out into the hallway in front of other students from my class and in front of the Med Students I have to work with at my hospital. She proceeds to lecture me about being unprofessional and how I am representing the school and what not...IN FRONT OF OTHERS. She didn't give me a chance to explain. So I sat in class the whole rest of the time shaking from anger and anxiety. Every week we are given a grade sheet on our performance. When she handed me mine at the end of class, she had written and I quote "was lying on the ground, and refused to get up. was slow to get up and proceeded to do yoga stretches, made faces at classmates and smirking, looking in pockets" And she took points off of my participation!!! I shared her observations with another student and got yelled at for that too. Its my grade I can share it with whomever I choose! So I stayed after class (at her request) to discuss the comments that she made. It was then that I explained why I was on the floor. She asked me if I was on medication and how it has effected my clinical experience (I am, not like its any of her business, and no it has not effect anything else, again none of her business). Then she asked me what I could do to pay attention next time in class. Um.....I am in college....not second grade last time I checked. I told her I was not making faces and I was paying attention in class. Just because you look at something out of the corner of your eye or move the pencil that is poking your hip, doesn't mean you are not paying attention.
Well several other people in class had the same experience and so I decided to resolve the issue by going to the asst. Dean. I told her my concerns (along with Scion...she had an even worse experience). Now tomorrow we have separate appointments with the asst Dean and Dr Fails us All (divide and conquer right?). So I am going to take this time to share with everyone what I am going to discuss:
1. The unprofessional manner in which Dr Fails us All conducts "private" conversations. I happened to meet up with the med students that overheard our conversation, because they were in charge of my patient.
2. Kindly remind Dr Fails us All, I am not in the second grade, therefore because I am not looking directly at her when she is lecturing does not mean I am not listening, and I have had a professional career before so I do not need to be taught how to dress.
3. Do not EVER.....I repeat EVER insinuate I am a cheater! (Thats right ladies and gentlemen...that horrid woman had the audacity to insinuate that I am a cheater!!!!!!) Big line has been crossed. And that b**** is going to get an earful. In this city your reputation as a nurse can be ruined before you even graduate...long story but the student was justified in their actions that other b**** at my hospital (the education lady) overreacted and the student has a strong defamation of character case...I have lawyer.
Ok...so enough with psych. Research is taught by the peds teacher I had last semester...and is so boring. I am so going to fail the test. We had a review, and wow...for such a ridiculous topic its pretty hard, but I did get #4 in the top ten reasons why nurses should read research (So I can win at Trivial Pursuit)...its suppose to be a joke. Med Surg...what to say...I am excited about the class because its more advanced care, but the professor...I swear is perma-stoned. She talks really slow and quiet, and she forgets everything. I always have this feeling she is going to leave in the middle of class because she has the munchies. For clinical I still have Prof Trauma, but for psych clinical I have Dr. Sheep. Its going to be a long semester.
Now everyone knows how much I hate drama...I hate it. But it seems to follow Dr. Fails-us-All and Dr Sheep. They seem like sweet, innocent old ladies, but they harbor the mentality of the Wicked Witches...East and West. The horror started during orientation to the psych facilities we would be working at. While it was not directly related to me, it was related to an other student, whom I happen to like. She was singled out for her past history and told she would not be able work with a variety of patients and there were serious issues with her dress. Needless to say both professors made a judgement call about her without even knowing her for more than two hours....and in a group setting. As psych nurses, they should have acted more professional and not made assumptions about someone based on minute observations. They have succeeded in turning a class of students against them in one act. We are like an amoeba attack one of our appendages and we will attack you back. The horror for me and several others a week later.
We were to go through an experiment called "Hearing Voices". It is suppose to simulate auditory hallucinations that are experienced by schizophrenics. It started off like creepy horror movie whispers and manic laughing...it freaked me out. Then this loud voice started yelling in my ear. The loud voice was no problem, just tuned that one out, although it was shocking. It was the whispery voices that bothered me the most. We had to listen to these voices for 45mins while doing different tasks. By the end of the 45 mins I was done...mentally done. I started to have a panic attack. The way I deal with panic attacks is to exercise or lay down...since I was in my scrubs at lab, exercise was out. So during break, in the classroom, with other students, I laid down on the floor to calm myself down. While Dr Sheep had no problem with this, Dr Fails-us-All decided that I was acting unprofessional and demanded I get up. I got up slowly from laying down so I didn't antagonize the problem and she yelled at me again...thank you to my fellow students that were defending me. So Dr Fails-us-All drags me out into the hallway in front of other students from my class and in front of the Med Students I have to work with at my hospital. She proceeds to lecture me about being unprofessional and how I am representing the school and what not...IN FRONT OF OTHERS. She didn't give me a chance to explain. So I sat in class the whole rest of the time shaking from anger and anxiety. Every week we are given a grade sheet on our performance. When she handed me mine at the end of class, she had written and I quote "was lying on the ground, and refused to get up. was slow to get up and proceeded to do yoga stretches, made faces at classmates and smirking, looking in pockets" And she took points off of my participation!!! I shared her observations with another student and got yelled at for that too. Its my grade I can share it with whomever I choose! So I stayed after class (at her request) to discuss the comments that she made. It was then that I explained why I was on the floor. She asked me if I was on medication and how it has effected my clinical experience (I am, not like its any of her business, and no it has not effect anything else, again none of her business). Then she asked me what I could do to pay attention next time in class. Um.....I am in college....not second grade last time I checked. I told her I was not making faces and I was paying attention in class. Just because you look at something out of the corner of your eye or move the pencil that is poking your hip, doesn't mean you are not paying attention.
Well several other people in class had the same experience and so I decided to resolve the issue by going to the asst. Dean. I told her my concerns (along with Scion...she had an even worse experience). Now tomorrow we have separate appointments with the asst Dean and Dr Fails us All (divide and conquer right?). So I am going to take this time to share with everyone what I am going to discuss:
1. The unprofessional manner in which Dr Fails us All conducts "private" conversations. I happened to meet up with the med students that overheard our conversation, because they were in charge of my patient.
2. Kindly remind Dr Fails us All, I am not in the second grade, therefore because I am not looking directly at her when she is lecturing does not mean I am not listening, and I have had a professional career before so I do not need to be taught how to dress.
3. Do not EVER.....I repeat EVER insinuate I am a cheater! (Thats right ladies and gentlemen...that horrid woman had the audacity to insinuate that I am a cheater!!!!!!) Big line has been crossed. And that b**** is going to get an earful. In this city your reputation as a nurse can be ruined before you even graduate...long story but the student was justified in their actions that other b**** at my hospital (the education lady) overreacted and the student has a strong defamation of character case...I have lawyer.
Ok...so enough with psych. Research is taught by the peds teacher I had last semester...and is so boring. I am so going to fail the test. We had a review, and wow...for such a ridiculous topic its pretty hard, but I did get #4 in the top ten reasons why nurses should read research (So I can win at Trivial Pursuit)...its suppose to be a joke. Med Surg...what to say...I am excited about the class because its more advanced care, but the professor...I swear is perma-stoned. She talks really slow and quiet, and she forgets everything. I always have this feeling she is going to leave in the middle of class because she has the munchies. For clinical I still have Prof Trauma, but for psych clinical I have Dr. Sheep. Its going to be a long semester.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Privacy Disclaimer!
Dear Readers (all one of you) I would like to take this time again to kindly remind you of my rules about my blog. I am at the same facility this fall as I was over the summer and apparently there were some serious issues with students and now they are being really strict about what you can and cannot to in the facility. I hope you all remember the woman who represents the students at my facility and how I could do her job better than her. Well she's still there. She has now decided that if you park in the wrong spot at our facility you will loose your clinical. So with her acting like a Nazi about everything I thought I would take the time to clarify the validity of my blog. I always keep my stories within the limits of Federal HIPAA law. I never reveal my facility names, I never give out protected personal information of my patients, of my classmates and instructors (as you are all aware they have "call signs" according to my husband). I would also like to clarify I never specify dates and times, or locations.
To my classmates: we were kindly informed today not to share our experiences with eachother. Apparently in the past students have complained to the school that one group got to something while another didn't. As a result all groups were banned from having that experience. I think we are all adult enough to accept the fact each facility comes with is own unique experiences. Some people are blessed with instructors that know the ins and outs of a facility and are therefore able to get their students a wide range of experience, whereas others are new to a facility and aren't able to negotiate such experiences. Also an experience is based on the facility that you attend, not all facilities have a trauma unit or get major patients. I am a firm believer in the Air Force wife dictum "An assignment is what you make of it!" I want to share my experiences with my classmates and know that I am not going to get turned into the Dean because I got to do something they didn't. So lets all be adult about it and be happy for eachothers successes and supportive of eachothers failures.
I would like to close with the reminder that my blog is an outlet for me. It helps me process what is going on with my education and the development of my career. Its also I forum for me to share my experiences with the family and friends I have all over the country and around the world. I like to tell these stories and share my opinion. I hope you enjoy reading them and I encourage conversation about them. Thank you for understanding!
To my classmates: we were kindly informed today not to share our experiences with eachother. Apparently in the past students have complained to the school that one group got to something while another didn't. As a result all groups were banned from having that experience. I think we are all adult enough to accept the fact each facility comes with is own unique experiences. Some people are blessed with instructors that know the ins and outs of a facility and are therefore able to get their students a wide range of experience, whereas others are new to a facility and aren't able to negotiate such experiences. Also an experience is based on the facility that you attend, not all facilities have a trauma unit or get major patients. I am a firm believer in the Air Force wife dictum "An assignment is what you make of it!" I want to share my experiences with my classmates and know that I am not going to get turned into the Dean because I got to do something they didn't. So lets all be adult about it and be happy for eachothers successes and supportive of eachothers failures.
I would like to close with the reminder that my blog is an outlet for me. It helps me process what is going on with my education and the development of my career. Its also I forum for me to share my experiences with the family and friends I have all over the country and around the world. I like to tell these stories and share my opinion. I hope you enjoy reading them and I encourage conversation about them. Thank you for understanding!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Round Three: DING DING!!!
So maybe I did not complete all I wanted to this summer, but I did travel A LOT. I had some fun experiences this summer...which when I find the energy I will share with you all. I will post pictures soon...just like I will reach the summit soon...
Anyway! Back to school! New characters! Dr.Mumbles who plays a crazy person really well. Too well...rumor has it she is crazy. I haven't come up with a name yet for her partner...needless to say both are as dry as toast. And I haven't come up with a name for my advanced med-surg teacher, but I do have Prof Trauma again this semester. I am seriously hoping I actually get to do something cool in clinical this semester. I have yet to organize...procrastinating. I am noticing division amongst the group. We need cohesiveness!!! So how about my nursing school friends post what song gets them fired up...for a test, for a workout, for life!!
Anyway! Back to school! New characters! Dr.Mumbles who plays a crazy person really well. Too well...rumor has it she is crazy. I haven't come up with a name yet for her partner...needless to say both are as dry as toast. And I haven't come up with a name for my advanced med-surg teacher, but I do have Prof Trauma again this semester. I am seriously hoping I actually get to do something cool in clinical this semester. I have yet to organize...procrastinating. I am noticing division amongst the group. We need cohesiveness!!! So how about my nursing school friends post what song gets them fired up...for a test, for a workout, for life!!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Summer Book Review #1
How To Be Sexy by Carmen Electra: Let's face it ya'll, I need all the help I can get. Its easy to write a book about being sexy when you are born with the "sexy" gene. No matter how much she denies it in the book...and she denies it A LOT....sexy was bred into Carmen Electra (she's not my type, she has weird teeth and man hands). THE GOODS ABOUT THIS BOOK: I have never been one to wear make-up. In fact, outside of colorguard in high school, I didn't start wearing make-up until after I got married. Her tips on how to do the smokey eye truly help. I have actually been able to do a hot smokey eye that make my green eyes flash. For single women, her advice about confidence and reading body language seem to be straight on, although I tend to believe its more complicated then how she states it. THE BAD ABOUT THIS BOOK: This is not for married women. Tons of advice about how to let a "John" know you are interested and to read if he is not, but nothing about how to make a marriage spark. The looks, the moves, and the "secret" dialects of "sexy" don't apply to those of us who already have the ring around our finger. Also most of her advice cracked me up. Sexy is not in my DNA, nor is long, thick, goregous locks of hair. Sorry Carmen, while you where a teenage fantasy of my hubby's he got stuck with me...and I like boxer shorts, granny panties, and flats. Scale of one to ten: two...for entertainment value and the one piece of valuble information I gleened from her drival.
A History of the World in 6 Glasses by Tom Standage: Its more like a brief introduction of Western Civilization. The book never goes into depth about the "history of the world" and how the world is directly affected by these six beverages. Some of his conclusions are far stretched and hard to believe. The book does have some interesting factoids and has sparked my interest in trying ancient forms of wine and beer. Absolutely nothing is said about vodka and the book indicates that Americans are caffiene addicted alcoholics. Scale of one to ten: three, informative but far reaching.
The Master Butchers Singing Club by Louise Erdrich: Well written, the settings descriptions, the emotional movements the characters go through are all vividly written. Some of the sections of the book are not for the faint of heart. I did find myself in some spots finding it hard to put down, but in the end there were no conclusive endings to the tales. It turned into one of those books that are suppose reflect life, where there is no conclusive ending, which I hate. When I read, I like a conclusion or at least the knowledge there will be an sequel. On a scale of one to ten: five...while beautifully written, no conclusion, and does not serve the purpose it was written for, emotional connection with those in the book and aspiration to a national treasure.
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler: I am not a liberal, but this chick is HILARIOUS!!! Her writing is somewhat akin to the stellar skills of Stephanie Meyer (everyone knows how I feel about her), Chelsea cracks you up! This book is not for someone who is prudy, but looking for a great, easy beach read. I was highly entertained by Chelsea's one-liners and crazy ass life. Even Jeremy enjoyed reading this book. I admit, its no Jane Austen, but high marks for entertainment. On a scale of one to ten: seven...not a literary winner, but serves the purpose it was written for...entertainment.
A History of the World in 6 Glasses by Tom Standage: Its more like a brief introduction of Western Civilization. The book never goes into depth about the "history of the world" and how the world is directly affected by these six beverages. Some of his conclusions are far stretched and hard to believe. The book does have some interesting factoids and has sparked my interest in trying ancient forms of wine and beer. Absolutely nothing is said about vodka and the book indicates that Americans are caffiene addicted alcoholics. Scale of one to ten: three, informative but far reaching.
The Master Butchers Singing Club by Louise Erdrich: Well written, the settings descriptions, the emotional movements the characters go through are all vividly written. Some of the sections of the book are not for the faint of heart. I did find myself in some spots finding it hard to put down, but in the end there were no conclusive endings to the tales. It turned into one of those books that are suppose reflect life, where there is no conclusive ending, which I hate. When I read, I like a conclusion or at least the knowledge there will be an sequel. On a scale of one to ten: five...while beautifully written, no conclusion, and does not serve the purpose it was written for, emotional connection with those in the book and aspiration to a national treasure.
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler: I am not a liberal, but this chick is HILARIOUS!!! Her writing is somewhat akin to the stellar skills of Stephanie Meyer (everyone knows how I feel about her), Chelsea cracks you up! This book is not for someone who is prudy, but looking for a great, easy beach read. I was highly entertained by Chelsea's one-liners and crazy ass life. Even Jeremy enjoyed reading this book. I admit, its no Jane Austen, but high marks for entertainment. On a scale of one to ten: seven...not a literary winner, but serves the purpose it was written for...entertainment.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Clinical Supplemental: Finale!
Well after a summer of repeating first semester, with more old man pee and homeless crazies, I finally got my day in the ER. Lets start with my IV sticks. Remember the first one I ever did I blew right through and almost vomitted everywhere because the lady freaked out. So the second one I got in the ER. First shot perfect!!! It was beautiful. Then the next two I blew...on the same lady...who it turns out didn't need. I just was thrown the materials and told to go stick her. The worst part about it, I did it in front of my instructor. The last stick I had, was on a woman who had really dark skin and her vein was hidden. I got it but I went past it. The nurse showed me how to save my stick. It was a neat little trick. None of my patients were too exciting. I was just happy to be in the ER. I did get to see some interesting things. One of the first patients we had was suspected for TB. It was kind of freaky walking in there...we wore special masks, but I was taught we had to be specially fitted for the masks and its still scary. Then we had this big guy come in, no response to painful stimuli and no gag reflex. He had some sort of seizure. We had to intubate him...stick him with a million IVs and I was the one they wanted to foley cath him. (my nurse basically pimped me out all day) So I set up and did everything the way you are suppose to, but I couldn't get the foley in...I mean even past the entrance. I tried and tried and nothing. So another nurse tried, she couldn't get it. Three nurses later, the doctor, straight cath, peds cath, and a womens cath later...we still couldn't get it. The doctor had to use a special cath to finally get it! Later I found out the guy was HIV positive and had hep C...shutter....I wore sterile gloves when taking care of him and I washed my hands a million times in hot water, but it still freaked me out. The rest of the day was pretty slow, but once again I was still happy to be there. I learned a shit ton.
Today was my last day of summer clinical...not sad about it. I was ready to start the summer and glad I got the little jump start on third semester.
Today was my last day of summer clinical...not sad about it. I was ready to start the summer and glad I got the little jump start on third semester.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Clinical Supplemental: Deja Vu
When it comes to writing my blog lately I have been remiss. Some how I manage to write these epic novels for Prof Trauma about my days on the med/surg floor and here nothing. I simply write a lot for her because I am bored as all hell. I pick two patients, I give them their meds, and then do nothing unless one of them needs something and then its just like a blanket or wanting to know when the doctor is coming. I have followed the wound care nurse for a few patients. I have had some patients with some nasty wounds. One was cellulitis of the lower leg...how the heck she got it that freaking bad I will never know...it was so gross. It was like her skin was overflowing with puss in the infected areas and then the surrounding skin just flaked off when you looked at it. Then the other wound I had was a gun shot wound to the flank...5cm deep!! The wound vac needed to be drained on a regular basis. I did not like that patient, he was rude to women and his brothers oggled you like a piece of meat. I also did not realize how many people in this city got hit by cars. The patient rooms are lined up as follows: Gun Shot Wound, Ped vs Car, Auto crash, cellulitis, Gun Shot Wound, Ped vs Car.... its nuts!!!! We also get all the homeless in town. For some reason someone is going around and beating the crap out of the homeless people in this city! Way to kick a person when they are clearly already down. The best story was the homeless crack addict that went into surgery and as they were moving him from one bed to another, a bag of weed fell out of his butt. Classic. We did have an orientation to the OR. The nurse was awesome, however, I have absolutley ZERO desire to go to the OR. I hate surgeons and I hate anesthesiologists. I might be willing to watch a heart surgery. I have a sick fascination with the cardiac system. Maybe this week I will get something interesting.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Breast Cancer Three Day!! San Diego November 19th thru 21st
Yes Ladies and Gents! I am walking again. Please help me and my team raise money and awareness for breast cancer research! Please visit http://www.the3day.org/ for more information and to donate to our team!
The following is the story of my first breast cancer walk experience:
My Three Day Experience:
When I first signed up for the Three Day I had some hesitations. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to raise the money (I was never good at fundraising), I wouldn’t be able to make the commitment to train, and once I got there that I would fall back and be the member of the team that no one wanted because of blisters, slow walking, and complaining.
I send out my letters early, got my shoes, and got to training. The fundraising went slow, and I still was scrambling toward the end, but I managed to make it…sort of. I was about three hundred dollars short of $2,200, but at least I could say I tried! Training on the other hand went better. I bought walking shoes and walked in the 114 degree heat. I got blisters and toughened my feet and legs. By the end of training I could walk 13 miles without taking a break! The walks were long and boring. I had no one to talk too and listening to music only made the walk go slower. But in the end I thought I was well prepared. Needless to say I was slightly wrong.
The first day of the walk started early and in the parking lot of the Potomac Mills Mall. The walk started with a presentation of flags that represented reasons for doing the walk (mother, sister, friends…), with experiences that come with the walk (discovery, joy, victories…). Then in the middle of the crowd survivors of breast cancer made a circle that represented the hope of the walk, they broke the circle and started down the road. Everyone pressed together to get through the gate to start. There were tons of people there! Lots of people cheering, in weird costumes, and some that were there just to see what was going on at the mall that morning.
The day started off cold, but once we got moving we warmed up pretty quickly. There were hundreds of walkers, about 3, 000, we were all smashed on tiny little sidewalks. It wasn’t until after lunch did the crowd thin out a little. Along the way we saw people dress in feathers, crazy bras, and crazy tee shirts. Each pit stop, grab and go, and lunch had different themes like movies, Disney Princesses, and sports. The event staff was so nice and so helpful. The food was great. During that first day the aches started. There weren’t any blisters, but the tops of my toes hurt. There wasn’t much along the route to look at (a dead snake!) until the end of the day. We were visited by an old friend Amy Claus and her son Connor! They came to see us at lunch. Lunch was good, there was always plenty to eat at each pit stop, and people set up cheer stations and gave us candy.
At the end of the walk the route went through historic Occoquan, VA. It was the cutest little town! It reminded me of some of the old towns in CO. There was a bakery at the end of the town that gave us some of the greatest cookies in the shape of the ribbons with pink frosting! There were all kinds of cute little shops along the main street. At the end of the street was a shop owned by two military wives called Polka Dot Divas. We had to stop and shop. By the end of the day we were so grateful that the last mile and a half was all down hill. The trail home just kept going and going. We walked along this river in the Occoquan community park, it was really beautiful and the homes across the river were huge! They were so cool!
When we saw the finish line for the day I was so happy to be able to sit! My feet hurt (particularly the top of my toes) and my legs were so tired. But to our great disappointment our camping assignment was almost at the back of the park! We had to set up our own tents. They gave us these bright pink ones. We got two of them, but since one of the chicks backed out; we slept in one and turned the other into a dressing room.
Amy’s philosophy about how to properly do the walk is: the faster you walk, the faster you are off your feet and don’t have wait in line for the shower. The showers were in these gigantic trailers. And I must say they were pretty nice! A hot shower felt so good after a long day. But no matter how clean you got, the second you stepped into the port-o-potties we had all weekend you felt gross. There was a limited supply of running water so we used wipies and hand sanitizer all weekend.
After hot showers we limped over to the medical tent to get chiropractic adjustments. I was told I would feel better afterward. I have never had a chiropractic adjustment before, I wouldn’t mind getting another one, but this was painful! I told the lady that my sciatic was hurting down my right leg and I was having some lower back pain. She checked my reflexes and did the back cracking, but then she went to stretch the muscles in my legs. She pressed on this muscle called the psoas major, its found wrapping from the spine, over the pelvis, down to the femur. At first I felt this burning sensation from my back to my thigh, and then it became painful! She thought I was going to cry! I almost did. From that point on that muscle on my right killed me all weekend, but my back was great.
From our adjustments we walked to the self help tent to patch our blisters and rub our sore muscles. It was there that I discovered the greatest invention ever made: BENGAY. I thought went I saw it, “what the heck, I’ll give it a try,” and from that day on I smell like 80 year old woman with arthritis, but I felt so much better. I checked my toes, and noticed slight bruising, but I didn’t think anything of it.
That evening we walked around camp. The sponsors had tents set up to let us try their products. One tent even had foot massagers. There was a TV playing shows like Will and Grace and Friends. One tent had informational videos and of course the tent with things to buy. A gigantic pavilion was set up for dining and entertainment. There were food tents. But the tents that caught everyone’s eye were the Remembrance Tents. They were white with big breast cancer bows on top with the name of the city they were from. Each tent had been signed by walkers in memory of those they were walking for. The Washington DC tent was inside a pavilion. There you could watch documentaries on those that survived and died of breast cancer. There were books where people could write their stories. Hung on the walls was pictures of people who were supposed to walk, but passed before the walk dates. The picture that struck me the most was one of a girl only a year younger that me that died of breast cancer a few months before the walk. At night the tents were lit up so it looked like they were glowing from the inside. It was almost creepy.
Dinner that night was great. The lady that was running the whole thing was pretty funny while giving us reports of the day and what to be prepared for, for the next day. They started a new tradition of having the last walkers of the day raise the breast cancer flag over camp. The last walkers of the day happened to be a team of two girls called “Hooping for Hope,” they hula hooped the whole day while walking! I was amazed at their commitment! The entertainment that night was less than entertaining. I am not a huge fan of karaoke and there were some really bad singing. So we decided to go to bed. I don’t remember falling a sleep, but apparently I was out quick. Sam was cracking us up the whole time. Her sleeping bag was too small, so she looked like a burrito. It was hilarious!
The progress of the day went as follows: we finished about 339 out of 3,000 and walked somewhere between 20 and 25 miles. Limited injuries, lots of fun!
The next morning I felt the miles I had walked the day before. Going to the “bathrooms” (if that is what you call port-o-potties with a wipey station in front.) hurt more than I thought possible. However, once my muscles warmed-up a bit, it wasn’t so bad. Trying to put my tennis shoes on was hilarious. My feet were so swollen I had to loosen my laces just to squeeze them in there. By the time we were ready to go for breakfast and start walking I was pretty much feeling ok. I didn’t know how long that feeling would last. Breakfast was great. I am not much of a huge breakfast eater, but I ate like a pig. It was great! We got to walking right as the sun was coming up.
On day two we walked around the city of Fairfax and some outlying areas. The route they took us on lead us through some woods and around an old prison. At each pit stop we got stickers or beads from the people who were cheering. There were cheer stations a long the road. Once again we ran into some old friends! Mary McDaniels and Col McDaniels stopped by the cheer station with treats and hugs for us! It was so wonderful to see their smiling faces! Mary held up a big sign for us that read “We love Fireballs!” We stopped and talked to them for about a half hour and took pictures.
At lunch all three of us were hurting with blisters. Mine were not so much on my feet, but more on the tops of my toes. They were actually starting to turn blue. I got some great pictures of the three of us patching ourselves up. I also took that time to slather on some Bengay. That stuff is wonderful.
I really can’t say much about the things we saw that day, they weren’t much different than the first. Sam and I were enjoying the trees, seeing how neither one of us gets to see many of those where we live. The sun was hot for 75 degrees and all of us were burned at the end of the day. Coming back to camp we realized that lightly jogging down the hill toward base camp felt better than anything. On our way we met a young lady who was walking by herself. She was actually apart of one of the large teams, but she didn’t know anyone in the team. She was doing the walk, we found out, in memory of her mother, who had passed only a few months before hand. We invited her to join us if she wanted, but she stuck with her team and we saw her on and off during the walk. I can’t imagine the experience she must have been having. I hope she found some peace on the walk.
We made it into camp on day two at number 303. We were exhausted and sore!!! First order of business was to hit the showers. I could barely stand up. Not to mention the fact that the water hurt my sunburn and my toes were purple now. After the showers the three of us limped to the medical tent. I had to ask one of the nurses about my toes. Pretty much the only thing I could do was wear my flip flops or crocs around that night and then wrap my toes in moleskin the next day. She also suggested I change my shoes. But there was no denying it. I was going to lose at least two toenails when the walk was over. Sam had to actually see a nurse to get one of her blisters popped. I couldn’t believe a blister that huge could develop on a person so small. Even Amy was suffering! She had some pretty bad blisters too.
After we were all bandaged up, dinner was served. I have no idea what kind of chicken it was, but it was great! We hung around the main camp for most of the evening. Sam and Amy wanted to get a good stretch in the stretching area, and I just wanted to veg in front of some Friends. The camp was visited that night by the founder of the Susan G. Komen Foundation. She gave a great speech, which was very encouraging. She is a very professional sounding, but she looked very botoxed.
After her speech the night’s entertainment consisted of some stud with his shirt off and our hostess showing us how to pack up our tents and the completion of the karaoke from the night before followed by dancing. We had some entertainment of our own! Mary McDaniels snuck into camp with us and a very willing transport staff member and brought us Margaritas and chips and salsa! I had never had a margarita before and after a long hot day, it was great. Mary stayed and talked to us for a while. We got to catch up on each other’s lives and the lives of old friends. However, the party didn’t last too long. We had to get Mary back to the transport bus and get some rest, the next day we had to be up extra early!
Day two synopsis: Somewhere between 18-22 miles, plenty of aches and blisters, a sunburn, a glorious margarita, and a fabulous bonding experience.
Day three was even colder than the first two days! It might have been because we had to be up earlier to get to our starting point for the last day. Amy and I greeted the morning with laughter. Sam’s bed head was the funniest damn thing at 530am! Thank God for bubbies! (the breast cancer version of a doo-rag). We packed quickly and broke down our soaking tents (ew). All of us were moaning and groaning as we tried to stuff our sore feet into our shoes. I was so glad I had brought my running shoes. They felt so much better!
After breakfast, we were bused to Arlington to start the walk for the day. Everyone was limping and tired looking, but that didn’t prevent those of us determined to finish. We walked through the quiet streets of Arlington, hoping to see some of the monuments along the way. As we walked along the first challenge of the day was a gigantic hill. Sam, Amy, and I were determined not to let the hill kick our butt! We charged the hill!! But when we got to the first rest stop we needed to sit. Amy’s Achilles was killing her. We bandaged up and headed toward Georgetown. We could see the Washington Monument from afar. The Georgetown campus was beautiful from a view. As we walked along Sam noticed they weren’t taking us down into historic Georgetown. They walked us through the surrounding neighborhood. The houses were old and made of brick. They were really quiet beautiful. However, Sam was really disappointed we didn’t get to see much of Georgetown.
At lunch Amy decided to do something about her pain. She had both of her heels wrapped for support. She had to walk funny and couldn’t go to fast, so we slowed our speed after lunch. We walked into Washington DC through the city. They drive like maniacs out there! There wasn’t any crew members at the crosswalks to ensure our safety anymore. The deeper we got into the city the more excited we grew to see some of the monuments. After we crossed Dupont Circle we were sure that we were going to be going through the Mall with all the monuments. However, as the walk continued on, we came to realize that we weren’t getting any closer to the monuments. We walked past the backyard of the White House and by Union Station. It got to the point I finally asked a crew member when we were going to see the monuments. She told us there was some kind of security issue with that many people walking past the monuments. I was not happy. From that point on it became about getting to holding. I was so tired I was sort of silly. The air was hot and smelled like trash. And each bar we walked past was a temptation to stop. But the sign that said “1 Mile to Holding” was the best thing I had seen all day.
Walking up to the finish line I felt a sense of accomplishment. Not that I had done something great, but I actually walked 60 miles. There were tons of people cheering for us and loud music playing. I couldn’t help but smile. I was so tired by the end I couldn’t feel the pain anymore. We took pictures and collapsed on the grass in the holding area. Amy was joined by her family and Sam and I met one of the medical crew and asked her if she wanted to join us for a beer. Sam’s friend joined us for a beer as well. Nothing has tasted so good as that ice cold Blue Moon I ordered that afternoon.
The closing ceremonies were so much fun. We danced to some music and lined up to get ready to walk in. The closing ceremonies were held in a parking lot outside the convention center in DC. The set up was the same as opening ceremonies. The flags were marched in, stories were told, and the founder of the Susan G. Komen Foundation gave speech. The whole of the walk raised $7million dollars for breast cancer research. At the end of her speech the survivors were marched in. As a sign of respect we all took off one tennis shoe and raised it above our heads. It was for them and others like them and for the memories of those past that we walked. The circle of survivors from the opening ceremonies was reformed and the breast cancer flag was raised, signaling the end of the walk.
My recovery took about a week. The blisters started to heal. The ten pounds I gained in water weight (now I know what I’ll look like pregnant) went down to normal. I am still waiting for my four black toenails to fall off (ew). But I am back on the training trail and this time for a half marathon!
Reflection:
The walk made me think of several things. I was amazed at Amy’s dedication and commitment to the cause. About a month before the walk she found out that her husband, who had been deployed for five months, would be coming home during the walk. Someone suggested she just not do it so she could be home with her husband. What Amy said in response floored me. She told her friend, the walk was the only thing she could still do for her mother, there wasn’t anything that was going to prevent her from walking. The walk made me think about the commitments I have made and the causes I support. I cannot possibly think of something I cared about so much that I would make that kind of commitment. I am happy to support the causes of my friends and family. Certainly breast cancer is a serious issue and has affected the lives of many people I know, but it has never had a direct effect on my family. I will continue to support it for those it does affect, but it made me want to find something I could be just as passionate about. Amy has inspired me to find something I care that much about, something that I can throw myself into. So thank you Amy for being my inspiration to find a cause!
Lessons Learned:
1. Stick to shoe brands you know. Nike sucks…I am sticking with Adidas
2. Bengay is the greatest invention ever.
3. Moleskin sucks.
4. Check the trail before the walk and plan to see the important stuff (ie the Monuments) before hand.
5. Don’t be afraid to ask for donations.
6. Keep up with thank you’s
7. Follow the training guide
Thank you to all my donors and supporters! I will be walking again…I just don’t know when and where yet!
Jen!
The following is the story of my first breast cancer walk experience:
My Three Day Experience:
When I first signed up for the Three Day I had some hesitations. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to raise the money (I was never good at fundraising), I wouldn’t be able to make the commitment to train, and once I got there that I would fall back and be the member of the team that no one wanted because of blisters, slow walking, and complaining.
I send out my letters early, got my shoes, and got to training. The fundraising went slow, and I still was scrambling toward the end, but I managed to make it…sort of. I was about three hundred dollars short of $2,200, but at least I could say I tried! Training on the other hand went better. I bought walking shoes and walked in the 114 degree heat. I got blisters and toughened my feet and legs. By the end of training I could walk 13 miles without taking a break! The walks were long and boring. I had no one to talk too and listening to music only made the walk go slower. But in the end I thought I was well prepared. Needless to say I was slightly wrong.
The first day of the walk started early and in the parking lot of the Potomac Mills Mall. The walk started with a presentation of flags that represented reasons for doing the walk (mother, sister, friends…), with experiences that come with the walk (discovery, joy, victories…). Then in the middle of the crowd survivors of breast cancer made a circle that represented the hope of the walk, they broke the circle and started down the road. Everyone pressed together to get through the gate to start. There were tons of people there! Lots of people cheering, in weird costumes, and some that were there just to see what was going on at the mall that morning.
The day started off cold, but once we got moving we warmed up pretty quickly. There were hundreds of walkers, about 3, 000, we were all smashed on tiny little sidewalks. It wasn’t until after lunch did the crowd thin out a little. Along the way we saw people dress in feathers, crazy bras, and crazy tee shirts. Each pit stop, grab and go, and lunch had different themes like movies, Disney Princesses, and sports. The event staff was so nice and so helpful. The food was great. During that first day the aches started. There weren’t any blisters, but the tops of my toes hurt. There wasn’t much along the route to look at (a dead snake!) until the end of the day. We were visited by an old friend Amy Claus and her son Connor! They came to see us at lunch. Lunch was good, there was always plenty to eat at each pit stop, and people set up cheer stations and gave us candy.
At the end of the walk the route went through historic Occoquan, VA. It was the cutest little town! It reminded me of some of the old towns in CO. There was a bakery at the end of the town that gave us some of the greatest cookies in the shape of the ribbons with pink frosting! There were all kinds of cute little shops along the main street. At the end of the street was a shop owned by two military wives called Polka Dot Divas. We had to stop and shop. By the end of the day we were so grateful that the last mile and a half was all down hill. The trail home just kept going and going. We walked along this river in the Occoquan community park, it was really beautiful and the homes across the river were huge! They were so cool!
When we saw the finish line for the day I was so happy to be able to sit! My feet hurt (particularly the top of my toes) and my legs were so tired. But to our great disappointment our camping assignment was almost at the back of the park! We had to set up our own tents. They gave us these bright pink ones. We got two of them, but since one of the chicks backed out; we slept in one and turned the other into a dressing room.
Amy’s philosophy about how to properly do the walk is: the faster you walk, the faster you are off your feet and don’t have wait in line for the shower. The showers were in these gigantic trailers. And I must say they were pretty nice! A hot shower felt so good after a long day. But no matter how clean you got, the second you stepped into the port-o-potties we had all weekend you felt gross. There was a limited supply of running water so we used wipies and hand sanitizer all weekend.
After hot showers we limped over to the medical tent to get chiropractic adjustments. I was told I would feel better afterward. I have never had a chiropractic adjustment before, I wouldn’t mind getting another one, but this was painful! I told the lady that my sciatic was hurting down my right leg and I was having some lower back pain. She checked my reflexes and did the back cracking, but then she went to stretch the muscles in my legs. She pressed on this muscle called the psoas major, its found wrapping from the spine, over the pelvis, down to the femur. At first I felt this burning sensation from my back to my thigh, and then it became painful! She thought I was going to cry! I almost did. From that point on that muscle on my right killed me all weekend, but my back was great.
From our adjustments we walked to the self help tent to patch our blisters and rub our sore muscles. It was there that I discovered the greatest invention ever made: BENGAY. I thought went I saw it, “what the heck, I’ll give it a try,” and from that day on I smell like 80 year old woman with arthritis, but I felt so much better. I checked my toes, and noticed slight bruising, but I didn’t think anything of it.
That evening we walked around camp. The sponsors had tents set up to let us try their products. One tent even had foot massagers. There was a TV playing shows like Will and Grace and Friends. One tent had informational videos and of course the tent with things to buy. A gigantic pavilion was set up for dining and entertainment. There were food tents. But the tents that caught everyone’s eye were the Remembrance Tents. They were white with big breast cancer bows on top with the name of the city they were from. Each tent had been signed by walkers in memory of those they were walking for. The Washington DC tent was inside a pavilion. There you could watch documentaries on those that survived and died of breast cancer. There were books where people could write their stories. Hung on the walls was pictures of people who were supposed to walk, but passed before the walk dates. The picture that struck me the most was one of a girl only a year younger that me that died of breast cancer a few months before the walk. At night the tents were lit up so it looked like they were glowing from the inside. It was almost creepy.
Dinner that night was great. The lady that was running the whole thing was pretty funny while giving us reports of the day and what to be prepared for, for the next day. They started a new tradition of having the last walkers of the day raise the breast cancer flag over camp. The last walkers of the day happened to be a team of two girls called “Hooping for Hope,” they hula hooped the whole day while walking! I was amazed at their commitment! The entertainment that night was less than entertaining. I am not a huge fan of karaoke and there were some really bad singing. So we decided to go to bed. I don’t remember falling a sleep, but apparently I was out quick. Sam was cracking us up the whole time. Her sleeping bag was too small, so she looked like a burrito. It was hilarious!
The progress of the day went as follows: we finished about 339 out of 3,000 and walked somewhere between 20 and 25 miles. Limited injuries, lots of fun!
The next morning I felt the miles I had walked the day before. Going to the “bathrooms” (if that is what you call port-o-potties with a wipey station in front.) hurt more than I thought possible. However, once my muscles warmed-up a bit, it wasn’t so bad. Trying to put my tennis shoes on was hilarious. My feet were so swollen I had to loosen my laces just to squeeze them in there. By the time we were ready to go for breakfast and start walking I was pretty much feeling ok. I didn’t know how long that feeling would last. Breakfast was great. I am not much of a huge breakfast eater, but I ate like a pig. It was great! We got to walking right as the sun was coming up.
On day two we walked around the city of Fairfax and some outlying areas. The route they took us on lead us through some woods and around an old prison. At each pit stop we got stickers or beads from the people who were cheering. There were cheer stations a long the road. Once again we ran into some old friends! Mary McDaniels and Col McDaniels stopped by the cheer station with treats and hugs for us! It was so wonderful to see their smiling faces! Mary held up a big sign for us that read “We love Fireballs!” We stopped and talked to them for about a half hour and took pictures.
At lunch all three of us were hurting with blisters. Mine were not so much on my feet, but more on the tops of my toes. They were actually starting to turn blue. I got some great pictures of the three of us patching ourselves up. I also took that time to slather on some Bengay. That stuff is wonderful.
I really can’t say much about the things we saw that day, they weren’t much different than the first. Sam and I were enjoying the trees, seeing how neither one of us gets to see many of those where we live. The sun was hot for 75 degrees and all of us were burned at the end of the day. Coming back to camp we realized that lightly jogging down the hill toward base camp felt better than anything. On our way we met a young lady who was walking by herself. She was actually apart of one of the large teams, but she didn’t know anyone in the team. She was doing the walk, we found out, in memory of her mother, who had passed only a few months before hand. We invited her to join us if she wanted, but she stuck with her team and we saw her on and off during the walk. I can’t imagine the experience she must have been having. I hope she found some peace on the walk.
We made it into camp on day two at number 303. We were exhausted and sore!!! First order of business was to hit the showers. I could barely stand up. Not to mention the fact that the water hurt my sunburn and my toes were purple now. After the showers the three of us limped to the medical tent. I had to ask one of the nurses about my toes. Pretty much the only thing I could do was wear my flip flops or crocs around that night and then wrap my toes in moleskin the next day. She also suggested I change my shoes. But there was no denying it. I was going to lose at least two toenails when the walk was over. Sam had to actually see a nurse to get one of her blisters popped. I couldn’t believe a blister that huge could develop on a person so small. Even Amy was suffering! She had some pretty bad blisters too.
After we were all bandaged up, dinner was served. I have no idea what kind of chicken it was, but it was great! We hung around the main camp for most of the evening. Sam and Amy wanted to get a good stretch in the stretching area, and I just wanted to veg in front of some Friends. The camp was visited that night by the founder of the Susan G. Komen Foundation. She gave a great speech, which was very encouraging. She is a very professional sounding, but she looked very botoxed.
After her speech the night’s entertainment consisted of some stud with his shirt off and our hostess showing us how to pack up our tents and the completion of the karaoke from the night before followed by dancing. We had some entertainment of our own! Mary McDaniels snuck into camp with us and a very willing transport staff member and brought us Margaritas and chips and salsa! I had never had a margarita before and after a long hot day, it was great. Mary stayed and talked to us for a while. We got to catch up on each other’s lives and the lives of old friends. However, the party didn’t last too long. We had to get Mary back to the transport bus and get some rest, the next day we had to be up extra early!
Day two synopsis: Somewhere between 18-22 miles, plenty of aches and blisters, a sunburn, a glorious margarita, and a fabulous bonding experience.
Day three was even colder than the first two days! It might have been because we had to be up earlier to get to our starting point for the last day. Amy and I greeted the morning with laughter. Sam’s bed head was the funniest damn thing at 530am! Thank God for bubbies! (the breast cancer version of a doo-rag). We packed quickly and broke down our soaking tents (ew). All of us were moaning and groaning as we tried to stuff our sore feet into our shoes. I was so glad I had brought my running shoes. They felt so much better!
After breakfast, we were bused to Arlington to start the walk for the day. Everyone was limping and tired looking, but that didn’t prevent those of us determined to finish. We walked through the quiet streets of Arlington, hoping to see some of the monuments along the way. As we walked along the first challenge of the day was a gigantic hill. Sam, Amy, and I were determined not to let the hill kick our butt! We charged the hill!! But when we got to the first rest stop we needed to sit. Amy’s Achilles was killing her. We bandaged up and headed toward Georgetown. We could see the Washington Monument from afar. The Georgetown campus was beautiful from a view. As we walked along Sam noticed they weren’t taking us down into historic Georgetown. They walked us through the surrounding neighborhood. The houses were old and made of brick. They were really quiet beautiful. However, Sam was really disappointed we didn’t get to see much of Georgetown.
At lunch Amy decided to do something about her pain. She had both of her heels wrapped for support. She had to walk funny and couldn’t go to fast, so we slowed our speed after lunch. We walked into Washington DC through the city. They drive like maniacs out there! There wasn’t any crew members at the crosswalks to ensure our safety anymore. The deeper we got into the city the more excited we grew to see some of the monuments. After we crossed Dupont Circle we were sure that we were going to be going through the Mall with all the monuments. However, as the walk continued on, we came to realize that we weren’t getting any closer to the monuments. We walked past the backyard of the White House and by Union Station. It got to the point I finally asked a crew member when we were going to see the monuments. She told us there was some kind of security issue with that many people walking past the monuments. I was not happy. From that point on it became about getting to holding. I was so tired I was sort of silly. The air was hot and smelled like trash. And each bar we walked past was a temptation to stop. But the sign that said “1 Mile to Holding” was the best thing I had seen all day.
Walking up to the finish line I felt a sense of accomplishment. Not that I had done something great, but I actually walked 60 miles. There were tons of people cheering for us and loud music playing. I couldn’t help but smile. I was so tired by the end I couldn’t feel the pain anymore. We took pictures and collapsed on the grass in the holding area. Amy was joined by her family and Sam and I met one of the medical crew and asked her if she wanted to join us for a beer. Sam’s friend joined us for a beer as well. Nothing has tasted so good as that ice cold Blue Moon I ordered that afternoon.
The closing ceremonies were so much fun. We danced to some music and lined up to get ready to walk in. The closing ceremonies were held in a parking lot outside the convention center in DC. The set up was the same as opening ceremonies. The flags were marched in, stories were told, and the founder of the Susan G. Komen Foundation gave speech. The whole of the walk raised $7million dollars for breast cancer research. At the end of her speech the survivors were marched in. As a sign of respect we all took off one tennis shoe and raised it above our heads. It was for them and others like them and for the memories of those past that we walked. The circle of survivors from the opening ceremonies was reformed and the breast cancer flag was raised, signaling the end of the walk.
My recovery took about a week. The blisters started to heal. The ten pounds I gained in water weight (now I know what I’ll look like pregnant) went down to normal. I am still waiting for my four black toenails to fall off (ew). But I am back on the training trail and this time for a half marathon!
Reflection:
The walk made me think of several things. I was amazed at Amy’s dedication and commitment to the cause. About a month before the walk she found out that her husband, who had been deployed for five months, would be coming home during the walk. Someone suggested she just not do it so she could be home with her husband. What Amy said in response floored me. She told her friend, the walk was the only thing she could still do for her mother, there wasn’t anything that was going to prevent her from walking. The walk made me think about the commitments I have made and the causes I support. I cannot possibly think of something I cared about so much that I would make that kind of commitment. I am happy to support the causes of my friends and family. Certainly breast cancer is a serious issue and has affected the lives of many people I know, but it has never had a direct effect on my family. I will continue to support it for those it does affect, but it made me want to find something I could be just as passionate about. Amy has inspired me to find something I care that much about, something that I can throw myself into. So thank you Amy for being my inspiration to find a cause!
Lessons Learned:
1. Stick to shoe brands you know. Nike sucks…I am sticking with Adidas
2. Bengay is the greatest invention ever.
3. Moleskin sucks.
4. Check the trail before the walk and plan to see the important stuff (ie the Monuments) before hand.
5. Don’t be afraid to ask for donations.
6. Keep up with thank you’s
7. Follow the training guide
Thank you to all my donors and supporters! I will be walking again…I just don’t know when and where yet!
Jen!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Clinical Supplemental: Hubby Returns
Last week I was unable to stay all day on Thursday. Wednesday, I had an appointment with my ENT and he cleaned out my nose, apparently that sort of thing triggers migraines for me. So I showed up to the hospital on Thursday, managed to pass some medications then got send home by my instructor. I could not for the life of me figure out why Lucy's bark was a hell of a lot louder than normal and why the sun was so dang bright. Then it dawned on me that I was having a migraine.
I felt better on Friday so I stayed at the hospital all day. I wish I had had the migraine on Friday instead. I had the worlds most ANNOYING patient. I did not realize how many people in this bloody city get hit by cars. This woman was in pain, broke tons of bones in her body, and was in a halo to stabilize her neck (C1C2 fracture). She refused to take her meds and I had to explain all of them to her, then she finally took them. She talked EVERYONE's ear off. She always needed something. It took three of us to give her a bed bath. I can't say I learned or did any thing interesting that day. It was like first semester all over again. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
So if you didn't get the message Jeremy is home! So here is the story. I was suppose to go out to brunch with a friend, but got stood up :) However, my allergies were KILLING me. So the thought was to go home take a Benadryl, take a nap, and then go camping like I planned for the weekend. So I take the pill and lay down. I didn't hear my phone ring. The next thing I know, I hear someone come into my house...girls didn't even bark...I am in a benadryl induced coma, trying to reach for my baseball bat when JEREMY opens the bedroom door!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had no freaking clue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought he was coming home Tuesday or Wednesday! I looked at him and thought I was hallucinating! We kept going back and forth asking what the other was doing home! Apparently I ruined the surprise. He kicked me out!! I had to go camping so he could plan the rest of the surprise. It was a little upset by that, but I did have fun camping. We spent a whole day on Lake Mead. My allergies were so bad by the end of the weekend I text Jeremy to see if I could come home early. He told me to come home. He planned a surprise for Sunday evening. I got home, showered, and got really dressed up. Jeremy took me to the Bellagio and before I knew it he was pushing me into the Tiffany and Co.! I was shocked. He bought me the necklace I wanted for so long!! I was totally messing with him about it. I NEVER thought he would actually buy me anything from Tiffany!!! Then he took me out for a wonderful dinner at Olives in front of the fountains! It was wonderful! Its been a LLLLLOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGG five months and I am so happy he is finally home.
I felt better on Friday so I stayed at the hospital all day. I wish I had had the migraine on Friday instead. I had the worlds most ANNOYING patient. I did not realize how many people in this bloody city get hit by cars. This woman was in pain, broke tons of bones in her body, and was in a halo to stabilize her neck (C1C2 fracture). She refused to take her meds and I had to explain all of them to her, then she finally took them. She talked EVERYONE's ear off. She always needed something. It took three of us to give her a bed bath. I can't say I learned or did any thing interesting that day. It was like first semester all over again. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
So if you didn't get the message Jeremy is home! So here is the story. I was suppose to go out to brunch with a friend, but got stood up :) However, my allergies were KILLING me. So the thought was to go home take a Benadryl, take a nap, and then go camping like I planned for the weekend. So I take the pill and lay down. I didn't hear my phone ring. The next thing I know, I hear someone come into my house...girls didn't even bark...I am in a benadryl induced coma, trying to reach for my baseball bat when JEREMY opens the bedroom door!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had no freaking clue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought he was coming home Tuesday or Wednesday! I looked at him and thought I was hallucinating! We kept going back and forth asking what the other was doing home! Apparently I ruined the surprise. He kicked me out!! I had to go camping so he could plan the rest of the surprise. It was a little upset by that, but I did have fun camping. We spent a whole day on Lake Mead. My allergies were so bad by the end of the weekend I text Jeremy to see if I could come home early. He told me to come home. He planned a surprise for Sunday evening. I got home, showered, and got really dressed up. Jeremy took me to the Bellagio and before I knew it he was pushing me into the Tiffany and Co.! I was shocked. He bought me the necklace I wanted for so long!! I was totally messing with him about it. I NEVER thought he would actually buy me anything from Tiffany!!! Then he took me out for a wonderful dinner at Olives in front of the fountains! It was wonderful! Its been a LLLLLOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGG five months and I am so happy he is finally home.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Clinical Supplemental
So this summer I decided I wanted to keep my skills up and hopefully learn new ones. I signed up for a clinical class at the county hospital under the direction of Prof Trauma. I was excited...still am. We will be doing two 12 hour shifts a week in the advanced med/surg unit (people coming out of the ICU and whatnot). Our first day, was a get to know the hospital and their orientation lecture. I had a hard time staying awake for the orientation. They gave us a bunch of information that I spent two years getting a degree in and then a bunch of numbers I hope I will never have to use. I also realized how incrediby inefficient the education office of the county hospital is. I realized within the first half hour, I could do the Nurse Education Coordinator's job better than she could. Plus there was something about her I didn't like, it didn't help that she told us that nursing students are not allowed to administer IV push medication. I thought that was a little ridiculous. Anyway, the first day was rather boring, but at least I had an idea of what to expect...a little bit of chaos and disorganization and paper charting. At lunch time, we get a fake set of labs and we are told to figure out what is wrong with our patient and what we are going to do about it. Its like 20 questions except REALLY HARD. I took the notes for the group and will post them. Please remember THIS IS NOT A REAL PATIENT THE PROF MADE THE LAB VALUES UP SO NO LAWS ARE VIOLATED!!! I can't believe how much I learned in a two hour period. I started a list of all the things I should start looking up.
The second day, half of our group was not even there and some of the people that were left early. So we got to spend the whole day in Trauma ICU!!!!!! It was the best day EVER. I was following a nurse who was constantly teaching me things (my list was pretty long by the end of the day), I followed rounds with med students, I watch the admittance of a new patient to the ICU, I did a ton of patient care! I had a patient with a broken neck. The Dr showed us the CT scan, this guy was LUCKY he could move and feel anything. Had a homeless guy that was severly beaten...he didn't like me much because I brushed his teeth, for some reason he didn't like that. And the new admit was a woman who was hit by a car, bilateral collapsed lungs, and a massive head injury that just kept bleeding. They had to hand drill a whole in her head so they could insert a pressure monitor into the ventricles of the brain. It was nuts!!! I was insane how the TICU nurses and staff worked as one unit it. Everyone knew what to do, everyone was calm and found something to be useful. They were a well oiled machine. I was impressed. I am really hoping I get to go down there again. We will see tomorrow.
The second day, half of our group was not even there and some of the people that were left early. So we got to spend the whole day in Trauma ICU!!!!!! It was the best day EVER. I was following a nurse who was constantly teaching me things (my list was pretty long by the end of the day), I followed rounds with med students, I watch the admittance of a new patient to the ICU, I did a ton of patient care! I had a patient with a broken neck. The Dr showed us the CT scan, this guy was LUCKY he could move and feel anything. Had a homeless guy that was severly beaten...he didn't like me much because I brushed his teeth, for some reason he didn't like that. And the new admit was a woman who was hit by a car, bilateral collapsed lungs, and a massive head injury that just kept bleeding. They had to hand drill a whole in her head so they could insert a pressure monitor into the ventricles of the brain. It was nuts!!! I was insane how the TICU nurses and staff worked as one unit it. Everyone knew what to do, everyone was calm and found something to be useful. They were a well oiled machine. I was impressed. I am really hoping I get to go down there again. We will see tomorrow.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Summer Plans
I know this blog moves quickly on the heels of my last, but I haven't really slept in the past few days and I am just counting down the hours until the packing comes out, then I will sleep! But for now, I thought if I announced my intentions for the summer I might actually get them done. So I am going to start with the things I know I WILL do!
1. Go to Hawaii and flop my fanny on the beach, stare at the ocean, and spend quality time with my honey bunny.
2. Go to Korea and enjoy my "after high school pack through Europe, but its really Korea to discover myself" experience.
3. Go to my sister-in-laws wedding and make myself useful.
4. Start and finish summer clinical
5. Spend time with nursing school friends
Now here are the things I would like to do:
1. Organize a group trip to Disneyland
2. Organize a spring break trip with my Nursing school peeps
3. Put together a petition to change the outter wear requirement while in uniform for nursing school (WHO IS WITH ME ON THIS???)
4. Work on my summer reading list:
A History of the World in Six Glasses
Beyond the Clouds
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Peony in Love
The Vampire Chronicles
5. Spend quality time with my camera
6. Work out at least four times a week
7. Finish my quilt sampler
8. Learn a few phrases in Spanish (not happy about this goal but it seems I have no choice)
9. Work on my novel
10. See Eclipse...and other summer movies
11. Clean and organize my office and bedroom
12. Redecorate my house
13. Try to change my diet
14. go camping
15. work on my top secret novel!
So now that I have posted this publically, I might be able to adhere to it and feel like I did something with my summer.
1. Go to Hawaii and flop my fanny on the beach, stare at the ocean, and spend quality time with my honey bunny.
2. Go to Korea and enjoy my "after high school pack through Europe, but its really Korea to discover myself" experience.
3. Go to my sister-in-laws wedding and make myself useful.
4. Start and finish summer clinical
5. Spend time with nursing school friends
Now here are the things I would like to do:
1. Organize a group trip to Disneyland
2. Organize a spring break trip with my Nursing school peeps
3. Put together a petition to change the outter wear requirement while in uniform for nursing school (WHO IS WITH ME ON THIS???)
4. Work on my summer reading list:
A History of the World in Six Glasses
Beyond the Clouds
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Peony in Love
The Vampire Chronicles
5. Spend quality time with my camera
6. Work out at least four times a week
7. Finish my quilt sampler
8. Learn a few phrases in Spanish (not happy about this goal but it seems I have no choice)
9. Work on my novel
10. See Eclipse...and other summer movies
11. Clean and organize my office and bedroom
12. Redecorate my house
13. Try to change my diet
14. go camping
15. work on my top secret novel!
So now that I have posted this publically, I might be able to adhere to it and feel like I did something with my summer.
Round Two Results!!!!!!!!!!
So after all the complaining and the torture (no Jeremy is not home yet) Round Two Results are as follows:
Maternity/Peds Lecture: B
Maternity/ Peds Lab: B
Patho/Pharm II: B
Peds Clinical: A
For those keeping score my GPA is now 3.34...So thus far no honor grad for me! I will make it up. (Maybe I should stop drinking soda cause it keeps getting up my nose and irratating my tubes). I am however putting in my petition to be the class speaker at pinning. I am funny, endearing, and I think generally liked by everyone (if not let me know and I will take you to dinner and you will change your mind, I am charming like that). Anyways, it goes without saying I am VERY happy this semester is over with...although I started my summer with surgery. Next week I start a summer clinical at the only major Truama unit in the city. I am hoping my clinical instructor likes me enough to rotate me to the ER for several days. I am really looking forward to learning from Prof Trauma. I worked hard this semester to keep my ATI scores up (placement scores for last semester preceptor) so I have a chance to work with her in my last semester. So here's hoping!
Maternity/Peds Lecture: B
Maternity/ Peds Lab: B
Patho/Pharm II: B
Peds Clinical: A
For those keeping score my GPA is now 3.34...So thus far no honor grad for me! I will make it up. (Maybe I should stop drinking soda cause it keeps getting up my nose and irratating my tubes). I am however putting in my petition to be the class speaker at pinning. I am funny, endearing, and I think generally liked by everyone (if not let me know and I will take you to dinner and you will change your mind, I am charming like that). Anyways, it goes without saying I am VERY happy this semester is over with...although I started my summer with surgery. Next week I start a summer clinical at the only major Truama unit in the city. I am hoping my clinical instructor likes me enough to rotate me to the ER for several days. I am really looking forward to learning from Prof Trauma. I worked hard this semester to keep my ATI scores up (placement scores for last semester preceptor) so I have a chance to work with her in my last semester. So here's hoping!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Days 109 thru 114: Good Lord...its not over...
I wish I could tell you all that more is going on than there really is. The only things that are exciting right now are going on in clinical and those are only two days a week. So unless you want to hear about the lecture on complications in the postpartum period or juvenile diabetes...I am going to skip the lectures. But I am going to tell you they are very boring and Praise Jesus that this is my last week! Ok so on to the funness that is maternity clinical!!!!
Day 110: Postpartum! The only real thing you need to know about postpartum is: MASSAGE THE FUNDUS! Which I did. So I had three patients. One of my patients needed a blood transfusion. She looked like death. I did not see her crack a smile once, not even when she was breast feeding her baby. She was 19. We started the transfusion, and left the room. She apparently called her parents and they got pissed we were giving her a transfusion! The father got on the phone and yelled at the nurse. So we had to get the charge nurse and figure out why the girl (15 minutes into the transfusion) was refusing the transfusion. Her parents had convinced her that her blood would regenerate (they didn't tell her it would take weeks...even months for her blood to regenerate) and that her lack of strength will effect how she cares for her infant. They convinced her that no matter what we may say about the blood being clean, she could still get AIDS or something from it. I kinda stood there and stared at her. Stupid, stupid girl! She clearly needed the blood! And she was already 15 minutes into the infusion. So if the blood wasn't clean (which there is probably no possibility that it wasn't), whatever was in the fucking blood was now in her system. So we had to waste an entire bag of blood!!! And a rare blood type too!!!! Does she realize how low and rare it is to get blood. Supplies for blood are low!! That is why they are always running blood drives. She needed the blood for herself and for her baby...which it looked like she didn't even want. It was sad.
People wonder why medical care is so expensive. Its a multi-tiered problem. While companies are over charging for procedures, insurance companies are just wrong these days, and doctors are wasting money by "CYA" procedures, its also the people who take advantage. This young girl was the perfect example. The doctor talked to her and the nurse talked to her. Her husband was there the whole time. But instead of consulting her parents BEFORE we pulled the saline, blood, tubing, and other prep materials, she did so after we had started the procedure and we had to waste hundreds of dollars worth of supplies, not mention precious blood. All parents are given a little cart with supplies in it for the baby while they are there. They take EVERYTHING out of the cart when they leave and some parents try to convince multiple nurses to give them more diapers, bottles, wipes, booger suckers, and other things. Now I can understand taking an open bag of diapers and wipes because I know those things are expensive, but if you can't afford to take care of a child...why did you get pregnant in the first place or at least give the child to a family that can? I just felt we kind of perpetuate our own problems. It just made me think before we go pointing the finger at companies and hospitals and the federal government, we should take a look at the things we are doing to add to the problem...like stealing extra diapers just to stick it to the man.
Day 114: Labor and Delivery. I got to start my morning by observing a c-section. I did not realize how violent the procedure is!! They give the mom a spinal then strap her to the table for safety. Create a sterile field and then cut her open. When its not an emergency they go layer by layer and when they cut through the muscle the OB takes one side of the opening and the surgeon takes the other side and both use their full weight to stretch the mother out!!!!!!!!! Then they grab the uterus and make a small cut then forcefully push on the mom's tummy like a pea from a pod (the nurse said like a white head from a pimple and that grossed me out a bit). If the baby doesn't pop out they put this little sucker on its head and pull. When the head pops out they grab it by the neck and yank the rest of it out. Not gently either. The baby is mostly blue when it comes out. The first c-section I saw there was blood everywhere!! Blood and all kinds of crazy fluids came pouring out of this poor woman like a river! Have you ever seen a flash flood? Thats what it was like. Then they sew her up and clean her up...but thats after the nurse and I pushed on her fundus again to get out some clots and blood. I was cringing for that poor woman! Why would you voluntarily put your self through that procedure if you didn't have to, just to spare your lower parts?
The second C-section I observed that day is what made day 114 one of the worst clinicals I have experienced. The woman came in all nice and sweet, but she was a big freaking baby. The nurses and the mom let me try my first IV stick. I was so nervous because the mom whined about how she doesn't like needles and how she didn't want me to turn her into a pin cushion (no pressure or anything). Found the vein did everything right, got the vein the first shot, got flash back, she flipped, and was scaring the shit out of me and I blew the vein. Fuck. I almost started crying. I apologized profusely, damn near threw-up and passed out on the floor. My instructor asked me if I need to sit and have some crackers or something, but I was so pissed at myself for missing (or well just blowing it), I just wanted to run screaming from the room. So an hour later she was in the OR ready for the procedure. She cried her eyes out when the anesthesiologist gave her the spinal. The worst part about this c-section was the surgeon. Now everyone says he was just picking on me...apparently he does this with everyone, but it didn't come off that way to me. The man was three inches from my face quizzing me like I was up for some oral board. He talked to me like I was child or some kind of retard. I could only see half of his face because we were wearing masks. He kept pushing me around (until he got in sterile field) like I was blind and deaf. Then he wanted me to do the foley cath on this woman. He stood three inches from my face and kept grabbing me and the equipment the whole time. With the first foley kit he said I broke sterile field so he threw away the whole bloody kit (and I talked to my instructor after and told her how I was setting everything up and she said I did it right and did not break sterile field.) He pulled out another kit and yelled at me through the whole procedure (by the way first time I have ever put in a foley.) He was sticking his hands in my space (which happened to be the mom's area), I just wanted to turn to him and scream "Back off!! I can't do the fucking procedure if you are going to be in my damn face!!!" I was already nervous about doing anything with this woman, he was just exacerbating the problem. Then he asked me to close his sterile gown. Well the ones that they use in the hospital are different from the ones we use in lab and are different from the ones in our videos, so I had no idea that there was a tie inside the gown, I just tied the sides together like we did in lab and he turned and yelled at me for that. But I didn't break his sterile field so I don't see what the problem was...he could have just told me "for future reference, there is an inside tie on these gowns, you tie that one first, then I hand you these cards and you tie the outside." I would have apologized and said I didn't know, thank you for teaching me. Finally the damn procedure started. And the jerk kept quizzing me! I just wanted to scream "Shut up and do your job!!! I am just here to observe!!!" The procedure went the same as the first one except not as much blood. When they ruptured the amniotic sac fluid came shooting out like a geyser!! The scrub tech almost got hit the face! The baby came out ok. The OB waved me in closer (really nice doctor) and explained the type of tubal she was doing and why. She was very informative and very nice. By the end of the surgery I was just so upset with the surgeon, I was crying and trying not to let anyone see me. I was exhausted and just hated myself. The surgeon at the end of the surgery asked me if I thought I was teachable, if I was going to to pass my classes. I was just taken aback. I told him I was passing all of my classes and none of my professors have ever expressed to me that I should be doing something else. And he retorted "Really?" I kept looking for help from one of the nurses, even the scrub techs and NOTHING. I was done. DONE. I ended up almost breaking down during post conference with my instructor. She is going to have a little talk with the surgeon. I have never felt more like a failure in my entire life than I have this semester.
Two final notes. For those of you having babies (especially scheduled c-sections) TAKE A BLOODY SHOWER BEFORE YOU COME!!! Good lord L and D smelled like dirty bodys and unwashed women parts. It was almost as bad as taking care of old folks in an old folks home. And finally, 114 solidly confirmed the fact that I will NEVER be an OR nurse or an Land D nurse and that surgeons are egotistical ass holes. Sorry Stephen H.
Day 110: Postpartum! The only real thing you need to know about postpartum is: MASSAGE THE FUNDUS! Which I did. So I had three patients. One of my patients needed a blood transfusion. She looked like death. I did not see her crack a smile once, not even when she was breast feeding her baby. She was 19. We started the transfusion, and left the room. She apparently called her parents and they got pissed we were giving her a transfusion! The father got on the phone and yelled at the nurse. So we had to get the charge nurse and figure out why the girl (15 minutes into the transfusion) was refusing the transfusion. Her parents had convinced her that her blood would regenerate (they didn't tell her it would take weeks...even months for her blood to regenerate) and that her lack of strength will effect how she cares for her infant. They convinced her that no matter what we may say about the blood being clean, she could still get AIDS or something from it. I kinda stood there and stared at her. Stupid, stupid girl! She clearly needed the blood! And she was already 15 minutes into the infusion. So if the blood wasn't clean (which there is probably no possibility that it wasn't), whatever was in the fucking blood was now in her system. So we had to waste an entire bag of blood!!! And a rare blood type too!!!! Does she realize how low and rare it is to get blood. Supplies for blood are low!! That is why they are always running blood drives. She needed the blood for herself and for her baby...which it looked like she didn't even want. It was sad.
People wonder why medical care is so expensive. Its a multi-tiered problem. While companies are over charging for procedures, insurance companies are just wrong these days, and doctors are wasting money by "CYA" procedures, its also the people who take advantage. This young girl was the perfect example. The doctor talked to her and the nurse talked to her. Her husband was there the whole time. But instead of consulting her parents BEFORE we pulled the saline, blood, tubing, and other prep materials, she did so after we had started the procedure and we had to waste hundreds of dollars worth of supplies, not mention precious blood. All parents are given a little cart with supplies in it for the baby while they are there. They take EVERYTHING out of the cart when they leave and some parents try to convince multiple nurses to give them more diapers, bottles, wipes, booger suckers, and other things. Now I can understand taking an open bag of diapers and wipes because I know those things are expensive, but if you can't afford to take care of a child...why did you get pregnant in the first place or at least give the child to a family that can? I just felt we kind of perpetuate our own problems. It just made me think before we go pointing the finger at companies and hospitals and the federal government, we should take a look at the things we are doing to add to the problem...like stealing extra diapers just to stick it to the man.
Day 114: Labor and Delivery. I got to start my morning by observing a c-section. I did not realize how violent the procedure is!! They give the mom a spinal then strap her to the table for safety. Create a sterile field and then cut her open. When its not an emergency they go layer by layer and when they cut through the muscle the OB takes one side of the opening and the surgeon takes the other side and both use their full weight to stretch the mother out!!!!!!!!! Then they grab the uterus and make a small cut then forcefully push on the mom's tummy like a pea from a pod (the nurse said like a white head from a pimple and that grossed me out a bit). If the baby doesn't pop out they put this little sucker on its head and pull. When the head pops out they grab it by the neck and yank the rest of it out. Not gently either. The baby is mostly blue when it comes out. The first c-section I saw there was blood everywhere!! Blood and all kinds of crazy fluids came pouring out of this poor woman like a river! Have you ever seen a flash flood? Thats what it was like. Then they sew her up and clean her up...but thats after the nurse and I pushed on her fundus again to get out some clots and blood. I was cringing for that poor woman! Why would you voluntarily put your self through that procedure if you didn't have to, just to spare your lower parts?
The second C-section I observed that day is what made day 114 one of the worst clinicals I have experienced. The woman came in all nice and sweet, but she was a big freaking baby. The nurses and the mom let me try my first IV stick. I was so nervous because the mom whined about how she doesn't like needles and how she didn't want me to turn her into a pin cushion (no pressure or anything). Found the vein did everything right, got the vein the first shot, got flash back, she flipped, and was scaring the shit out of me and I blew the vein. Fuck. I almost started crying. I apologized profusely, damn near threw-up and passed out on the floor. My instructor asked me if I need to sit and have some crackers or something, but I was so pissed at myself for missing (or well just blowing it), I just wanted to run screaming from the room. So an hour later she was in the OR ready for the procedure. She cried her eyes out when the anesthesiologist gave her the spinal. The worst part about this c-section was the surgeon. Now everyone says he was just picking on me...apparently he does this with everyone, but it didn't come off that way to me. The man was three inches from my face quizzing me like I was up for some oral board. He talked to me like I was child or some kind of retard. I could only see half of his face because we were wearing masks. He kept pushing me around (until he got in sterile field) like I was blind and deaf. Then he wanted me to do the foley cath on this woman. He stood three inches from my face and kept grabbing me and the equipment the whole time. With the first foley kit he said I broke sterile field so he threw away the whole bloody kit (and I talked to my instructor after and told her how I was setting everything up and she said I did it right and did not break sterile field.) He pulled out another kit and yelled at me through the whole procedure (by the way first time I have ever put in a foley.) He was sticking his hands in my space (which happened to be the mom's area), I just wanted to turn to him and scream "Back off!! I can't do the fucking procedure if you are going to be in my damn face!!!" I was already nervous about doing anything with this woman, he was just exacerbating the problem. Then he asked me to close his sterile gown. Well the ones that they use in the hospital are different from the ones we use in lab and are different from the ones in our videos, so I had no idea that there was a tie inside the gown, I just tied the sides together like we did in lab and he turned and yelled at me for that. But I didn't break his sterile field so I don't see what the problem was...he could have just told me "for future reference, there is an inside tie on these gowns, you tie that one first, then I hand you these cards and you tie the outside." I would have apologized and said I didn't know, thank you for teaching me. Finally the damn procedure started. And the jerk kept quizzing me! I just wanted to scream "Shut up and do your job!!! I am just here to observe!!!" The procedure went the same as the first one except not as much blood. When they ruptured the amniotic sac fluid came shooting out like a geyser!! The scrub tech almost got hit the face! The baby came out ok. The OB waved me in closer (really nice doctor) and explained the type of tubal she was doing and why. She was very informative and very nice. By the end of the surgery I was just so upset with the surgeon, I was crying and trying not to let anyone see me. I was exhausted and just hated myself. The surgeon at the end of the surgery asked me if I thought I was teachable, if I was going to to pass my classes. I was just taken aback. I told him I was passing all of my classes and none of my professors have ever expressed to me that I should be doing something else. And he retorted "Really?" I kept looking for help from one of the nurses, even the scrub techs and NOTHING. I was done. DONE. I ended up almost breaking down during post conference with my instructor. She is going to have a little talk with the surgeon. I have never felt more like a failure in my entire life than I have this semester.
Two final notes. For those of you having babies (especially scheduled c-sections) TAKE A BLOODY SHOWER BEFORE YOU COME!!! Good lord L and D smelled like dirty bodys and unwashed women parts. It was almost as bad as taking care of old folks in an old folks home. And finally, 114 solidly confirmed the fact that I will NEVER be an OR nurse or an Land D nurse and that surgeons are egotistical ass holes. Sorry Stephen H.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Day 108: To Doula or Not to Doula?
And the answer is: Not to Doula. No offense to the two doulas I know. They are great people and I am sure they are a comfort and a joy to the people that use them, however, I am not the type of person who needs the assitance of a doula.
Today for lab we had two doulas come and talk to us about what it is they do and the purpose they serve for the birthing woman. Well you all know me and hippies. I thought the presentation was sort of ridiculous. The majority of the things they do like support the mother, encourage her, give her back rubs, help her have the most natural birth possible, are all things I can do on my own or Jeremy will do (although I don't think he quiet understands that yet). I don't need someone in the L & D room with me, smelling like patchouli oil (one of the most discusting smells in the world), cleansing my aura, and trying to "empower" me. I am thinking: here I am in the squatting position or the lithotomy position, 500lbs overweight, sweating like a pig, possibly soiling myself, pushing out an eight pound bowling ball, and some freak of nature is trying to tell me to envision bloody rainbows! If I have the strength I would get up and bitch slap them and if not I would tell them to go f- themselves.
Personally I plan to have a natural birth. Both my grandma's did and my mom had four natural births (Matt was c-section cause he was breech), I think I am built for a natural birth. Not to mention there is no way on God's green earth someone is sticking a needle in my freaking spine. I am all about letting the mother make the decisions about walking and the position to lay in. We have been giving birth for thousands of years, medicine is good and all but there is something to be said for nature. Now I know a doula is suppose to encourage this process, but this is something that is discussed with the OB/GYN or midwife before hand. And I honestly feel that Jeremy helped create the child he is damn sure going to help me give birth. He can give me back rubs and help me through breathing patterns. He can make sure I am drinking and eating and that I get enough pillows. He can walk me around, help me with a shower, and do all those "empowering" things doulas do...although if he tells me to envision rainbows coming out of there I'll bitch slap him too. Also, I am going to be up for display for God and everyone...the fewer people in that room looking down there and at me as a complete mess the better.
So for me its NOT to doula....sorry Doula in accelerated and my friend Allison :(. I am sure you both are great at your jobs, but its just not for me.
Today for lab we had two doulas come and talk to us about what it is they do and the purpose they serve for the birthing woman. Well you all know me and hippies. I thought the presentation was sort of ridiculous. The majority of the things they do like support the mother, encourage her, give her back rubs, help her have the most natural birth possible, are all things I can do on my own or Jeremy will do (although I don't think he quiet understands that yet). I don't need someone in the L & D room with me, smelling like patchouli oil (one of the most discusting smells in the world), cleansing my aura, and trying to "empower" me. I am thinking: here I am in the squatting position or the lithotomy position, 500lbs overweight, sweating like a pig, possibly soiling myself, pushing out an eight pound bowling ball, and some freak of nature is trying to tell me to envision bloody rainbows! If I have the strength I would get up and bitch slap them and if not I would tell them to go f- themselves.
Personally I plan to have a natural birth. Both my grandma's did and my mom had four natural births (Matt was c-section cause he was breech), I think I am built for a natural birth. Not to mention there is no way on God's green earth someone is sticking a needle in my freaking spine. I am all about letting the mother make the decisions about walking and the position to lay in. We have been giving birth for thousands of years, medicine is good and all but there is something to be said for nature. Now I know a doula is suppose to encourage this process, but this is something that is discussed with the OB/GYN or midwife before hand. And I honestly feel that Jeremy helped create the child he is damn sure going to help me give birth. He can give me back rubs and help me through breathing patterns. He can make sure I am drinking and eating and that I get enough pillows. He can walk me around, help me with a shower, and do all those "empowering" things doulas do...although if he tells me to envision rainbows coming out of there I'll bitch slap him too. Also, I am going to be up for display for God and everyone...the fewer people in that room looking down there and at me as a complete mess the better.
So for me its NOT to doula....sorry Doula in accelerated and my friend Allison :(. I am sure you both are great at your jobs, but its just not for me.
Monday, April 12, 2010
102-106: Pediatrics- A Reflection
No the semester is not over...unfortunately. We have four more weeks. Plus the driven genius that I am, I signed up for a summer class to keep me busy until Jeremy comes home and because I feel I need more experience. So the semester won't really end for me, but my work load will be lower.
Day 102: I am finished with my pediatrics rotation. I have to say the last day of peds was certainly busy for the first half of the day. I took on all three of my nurse's patients. I passed medications for all of them. One of them was a 13 yr old boy with sickle cell. While I understand the boy was in pain, it was clear he was addicted to the medications. Not only that he was demanding and rude. He knew exactly when it was time for his pain meds and tried everything he could to get pain meds from the female nurses. I guess it sounds horrible for me to say, but part of me did not feel sorry for the poor boy. The actual patient I was assigned to was a 15 yr old that had cellulitis of the left orbit. He was horribly sick, but he had a good attitude and was easy to care for. Mom was able to administer his eye cream and very helpful. My clinical instructor went in and had a conversation with my patient and mom without my knowledge. She told me some of the things they talked about, like the young man's sexual activity. While I am sure that sort of thing is important to know in certain situations, I did not see how it was relevent to the treatment he was receiving at the time. I also was not comfortable with her going in there without me. I know it is her job to follow-up on the care I am giving, it would be nice to know, plus I did not like the fact she was asking such invasive questions. The last patient I had was a baby who was in for some sort of infection. Mom would have him sleep in the bed with her. We had to repeatedly tell her, if she wants to sleep hospital policy states for the safety of the baby he must be placed in the crib with the rails up. She did not listen, she also tried to push Mary Kay products on all of us. It was slightly uncomfortable. What do you do if a patient offers you a free facial for the care you provided? Such an ethical conundrum. So in the end I spent all morning pushing meds. Totally exciting.
I am not going to miss pediatrics. I love children, I want to have them, I have enjoyed working with them when I was a nanny and when I worked in childcare. However, I cannot work with sick ones and their crazy parents.
So now I have started my maternity rotation.
Day 106: Newborn Nursery! Babies are so cute and squishy and warm and I want one!!!!! However, I do not want to work in the newborn nursery. Its like working in a cute factory assembly line. Get the baby, assess the baby, warm the baby, give meds to the baby, bathe the baby, and off to momma REPEAT. When I am old and wrinkly...maybe I would want something like that, but not today. Nothing is more nerve wracking than being incharge of the care of a tiny little life that does not belong to you while the family watches you poke and prod their half hour old brother/son/grandson (yes...all the newborns we got that day were boys). No joke, the family stared me down as I assessed their new baby and then gave him shots. I just wanted to yell at them to go away, I am nervous enough!!! It was disturbing to watch the experienced nurses toss the babies around like little footballs. It made me jump, and slightly freak out. Its like nothing to them. I got to rock and feed a little two day old little girl. Oh she was so cute!! I loved giving the little babies their first baths. They don't like to be bathed...it makes them cold, but you wrap them up tight and wash their heads, and oh holy crap they love it!!!! I just want a baby they are so precious. All wrinkly and bloody when they come up to the nursery....
No I do not want to work...in the nursery.
Day 102: I am finished with my pediatrics rotation. I have to say the last day of peds was certainly busy for the first half of the day. I took on all three of my nurse's patients. I passed medications for all of them. One of them was a 13 yr old boy with sickle cell. While I understand the boy was in pain, it was clear he was addicted to the medications. Not only that he was demanding and rude. He knew exactly when it was time for his pain meds and tried everything he could to get pain meds from the female nurses. I guess it sounds horrible for me to say, but part of me did not feel sorry for the poor boy. The actual patient I was assigned to was a 15 yr old that had cellulitis of the left orbit. He was horribly sick, but he had a good attitude and was easy to care for. Mom was able to administer his eye cream and very helpful. My clinical instructor went in and had a conversation with my patient and mom without my knowledge. She told me some of the things they talked about, like the young man's sexual activity. While I am sure that sort of thing is important to know in certain situations, I did not see how it was relevent to the treatment he was receiving at the time. I also was not comfortable with her going in there without me. I know it is her job to follow-up on the care I am giving, it would be nice to know, plus I did not like the fact she was asking such invasive questions. The last patient I had was a baby who was in for some sort of infection. Mom would have him sleep in the bed with her. We had to repeatedly tell her, if she wants to sleep hospital policy states for the safety of the baby he must be placed in the crib with the rails up. She did not listen, she also tried to push Mary Kay products on all of us. It was slightly uncomfortable. What do you do if a patient offers you a free facial for the care you provided? Such an ethical conundrum. So in the end I spent all morning pushing meds. Totally exciting.
I am not going to miss pediatrics. I love children, I want to have them, I have enjoyed working with them when I was a nanny and when I worked in childcare. However, I cannot work with sick ones and their crazy parents.
So now I have started my maternity rotation.
Day 106: Newborn Nursery! Babies are so cute and squishy and warm and I want one!!!!! However, I do not want to work in the newborn nursery. Its like working in a cute factory assembly line. Get the baby, assess the baby, warm the baby, give meds to the baby, bathe the baby, and off to momma REPEAT. When I am old and wrinkly...maybe I would want something like that, but not today. Nothing is more nerve wracking than being incharge of the care of a tiny little life that does not belong to you while the family watches you poke and prod their half hour old brother/son/grandson (yes...all the newborns we got that day were boys). No joke, the family stared me down as I assessed their new baby and then gave him shots. I just wanted to yell at them to go away, I am nervous enough!!! It was disturbing to watch the experienced nurses toss the babies around like little footballs. It made me jump, and slightly freak out. Its like nothing to them. I got to rock and feed a little two day old little girl. Oh she was so cute!! I loved giving the little babies their first baths. They don't like to be bathed...it makes them cold, but you wrap them up tight and wash their heads, and oh holy crap they love it!!!! I just want a baby they are so precious. All wrinkly and bloody when they come up to the nursery....
No I do not want to work...in the nursery.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Days 90-101: Please tell me its almost over?
Sorry I have been slacking off lately. I am just not interested in the subject material. Plus nothing exciting has happened. I haven't even had an exciting patient at the hospital. I haven't learned anything cool lately. I have learned how to start IVs...I wasn't sure if I shared that with you all. Although I have not been able to actually start one on a person, I did really well on the fake arm. I kept splattering fake blood all over myself. Good thing it comes out of scrubs. And real blood is not as runny or thin as fake blood.
I have gotten really discouraged this semester. Not that its hard or am failing, I just feel burned out. I am sure it is caused by deployment, house selling, and just ready for the end of the semester. Next week I start maternity. I get to start off in the newborn nursery. Maybe that will cheer me up.
I have gotten really discouraged this semester. Not that its hard or am failing, I just feel burned out. I am sure it is caused by deployment, house selling, and just ready for the end of the semester. Next week I start maternity. I get to start off in the newborn nursery. Maybe that will cheer me up.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The Story of Isaac and the new healthcare plan.
I am going to for go my usual blog and tell you all the story if Isaac. Isaac is not his real name because of HIPAA law I am barred from telling you his real name. However I can tell you his story.
Isaac is a one year old little boy with a twin brother. Isaac's brother is somewhat healthy, but Isaac is very sick. He was born with a condition known as "short gut syndrome". For those who do not know what it is let me explain: Short Bowel Syndrome is the result of an absorptive abnormality in the gut do to lack of surface area. It is usually the result of re-sectioning of the small intestine for varies reasons. Because of this lack of surface area the child is not able to absorb the nutrients he needs to remain healthy. Isaac is also...for various other reasons...in end stage liver failure. He is on G-tube feeds and has been in and out of the hospital his whole life. I spent Day 90 with him in the PICU. He had been in before earlier in the semester and I had talked with the student nurse taking care of him and had spent a little time with him, but quickly forgot him after. I will not forget him now.
On the day I took care of him, he had been readmitted to the hospital for an infection and it turned out he also had pneumonia. The child cannot breath as it is...his belly is so distended from the liver failure, and he is so tiny from being sick, that he looks like a bright yellow six month old with a huge bowling ball for a stomach. All of the nurses in the Unit know Isaac...all of them love him. He never cries...except when he is getting an IV, he's alert and playful when he is "feeling well". He is a very sweet child. The big news for Isaac that day was whether he had made it on to the liver transplant list at UCLA Children's. The answer was: NO. He had been rejected from the list because he had one day of good GI labs and he was receiving G-tube feedings well. He was disqualified as a candidate. All of us looked at the poor child and wondered if the brilliant minds that made this decision had actually went in a looked at the child. Clearly, he needs a liver transplant. The doctors had felt since he was so young, his liver might spontaneously regenerate. The liver is the only organ that can do that. However, this child is so sick and has been sick for so long, his body is focused on fighting off what comes at him next than trying to heal itself.
The news of Isaac's rejection disappointed all the nurses that knew him. Some claimed the reason he was rejected was the family's lack of money...which in part is probably true. His doctor was not one for giving hope. The first words out of his mouth when he walked into Isaac's room with me and the nurse I was following were "This child is going to die." I was taken aback. I know the parents weren't there and Isaac probably couldn't understand what he was saying, but the fact that he said it so bluntly and so absolutely, made me want to smack the doctor across the face. You don't say things like that in front of a patient! No matter what! I could see the nurse holding her breath, fighting to keep her tongue in check. The doctor went on: "Yeah, there is no hope for you. They are not going to to get him a liver. But we will try again if the family wants too. They haven't expressed any desire to try again." At that point I asked where the family was and why wouldn't they want to try again? I was told the family had pretty much given up hope and focused on the healthy twin and the first try at the transplant list had been an inconvenience for them. I just about threw up all over the crib.
Word about Isaac's rejection and the doctor's "diagnosis" spread around the unit quickly. The whole day nurses were in and out of his room. All came in with smiles and all left in tears. I could not cry and neither could the primary nurse. We knew if we shed one tear...we would not be able to do our job.
At the end of the day my mind was decided. I will not work in pediatrics. The next week Isaac was still there. He was happier and looking better, but still very sick. It was his birthday. All the nurses had given him toys so he didn't pull on his G-tube and so he had something other than white walls and nurses to look at. I got him to smile and gurgle at me, but he was quickly tired and went to sleep. I am hoping he is safely home with his family this week and the doctors are diligently working on getting him on that list.
Now I know what some of you are thinking. HURRAY for the new healthcare plan Isaac will get a new liver!!! No. What the healthcare bill has just done, is tripled the list of people that "might" need a liver transplant. We in the US are all about entitlement. I am entitled to a new liver because I am an American and the government should provide me one. Well now the market is flooded with people looking for a free handout. This is how the government responds: We have this many people who "need" a liver vs this many available livers, we need to redefine and narrow our requirements for those who "need" one. Plus we are going to add a few hoops to jump through just to get diagnosed and then considered. So if Isaac was rejected once...what makes anyone think he will be accepted on the second time around?
Now I know some of you are like: "Jen you are think to the extreme! You are such a negative Nancy! You Right- Wing- Blow-up- the-World- Before- They- Blow- Us- Up thinker!!!" (Any of you who actually think I am like that...you are a reh-tard). Anyways, I speak from experience. Just to get a simple consult with an ENT for septal surgery has taken SIX MONTHS! I have to wait six weeks to get a woman's exam at the base. My doctor kicked me out of an exam room WHILE I was having a mental meltdown and rudely asked me what I wanted him to do about it?! And these things happen in the military community. Now think of what is going to happen when every freaking person in the US is going to demand care. Now I readily agree that reform needs to happen. But not this way.
Ok that wasn't the best defense I have, but its the best I got for being hungry.
Isaac is a one year old little boy with a twin brother. Isaac's brother is somewhat healthy, but Isaac is very sick. He was born with a condition known as "short gut syndrome". For those who do not know what it is let me explain: Short Bowel Syndrome is the result of an absorptive abnormality in the gut do to lack of surface area. It is usually the result of re-sectioning of the small intestine for varies reasons. Because of this lack of surface area the child is not able to absorb the nutrients he needs to remain healthy. Isaac is also...for various other reasons...in end stage liver failure. He is on G-tube feeds and has been in and out of the hospital his whole life. I spent Day 90 with him in the PICU. He had been in before earlier in the semester and I had talked with the student nurse taking care of him and had spent a little time with him, but quickly forgot him after. I will not forget him now.
On the day I took care of him, he had been readmitted to the hospital for an infection and it turned out he also had pneumonia. The child cannot breath as it is...his belly is so distended from the liver failure, and he is so tiny from being sick, that he looks like a bright yellow six month old with a huge bowling ball for a stomach. All of the nurses in the Unit know Isaac...all of them love him. He never cries...except when he is getting an IV, he's alert and playful when he is "feeling well". He is a very sweet child. The big news for Isaac that day was whether he had made it on to the liver transplant list at UCLA Children's. The answer was: NO. He had been rejected from the list because he had one day of good GI labs and he was receiving G-tube feedings well. He was disqualified as a candidate. All of us looked at the poor child and wondered if the brilliant minds that made this decision had actually went in a looked at the child. Clearly, he needs a liver transplant. The doctors had felt since he was so young, his liver might spontaneously regenerate. The liver is the only organ that can do that. However, this child is so sick and has been sick for so long, his body is focused on fighting off what comes at him next than trying to heal itself.
The news of Isaac's rejection disappointed all the nurses that knew him. Some claimed the reason he was rejected was the family's lack of money...which in part is probably true. His doctor was not one for giving hope. The first words out of his mouth when he walked into Isaac's room with me and the nurse I was following were "This child is going to die." I was taken aback. I know the parents weren't there and Isaac probably couldn't understand what he was saying, but the fact that he said it so bluntly and so absolutely, made me want to smack the doctor across the face. You don't say things like that in front of a patient! No matter what! I could see the nurse holding her breath, fighting to keep her tongue in check. The doctor went on: "Yeah, there is no hope for you. They are not going to to get him a liver. But we will try again if the family wants too. They haven't expressed any desire to try again." At that point I asked where the family was and why wouldn't they want to try again? I was told the family had pretty much given up hope and focused on the healthy twin and the first try at the transplant list had been an inconvenience for them. I just about threw up all over the crib.
Word about Isaac's rejection and the doctor's "diagnosis" spread around the unit quickly. The whole day nurses were in and out of his room. All came in with smiles and all left in tears. I could not cry and neither could the primary nurse. We knew if we shed one tear...we would not be able to do our job.
At the end of the day my mind was decided. I will not work in pediatrics. The next week Isaac was still there. He was happier and looking better, but still very sick. It was his birthday. All the nurses had given him toys so he didn't pull on his G-tube and so he had something other than white walls and nurses to look at. I got him to smile and gurgle at me, but he was quickly tired and went to sleep. I am hoping he is safely home with his family this week and the doctors are diligently working on getting him on that list.
Now I know what some of you are thinking. HURRAY for the new healthcare plan Isaac will get a new liver!!! No. What the healthcare bill has just done, is tripled the list of people that "might" need a liver transplant. We in the US are all about entitlement. I am entitled to a new liver because I am an American and the government should provide me one. Well now the market is flooded with people looking for a free handout. This is how the government responds: We have this many people who "need" a liver vs this many available livers, we need to redefine and narrow our requirements for those who "need" one. Plus we are going to add a few hoops to jump through just to get diagnosed and then considered. So if Isaac was rejected once...what makes anyone think he will be accepted on the second time around?
Now I know some of you are like: "Jen you are think to the extreme! You are such a negative Nancy! You Right- Wing- Blow-up- the-World- Before- They- Blow- Us- Up thinker!!!" (Any of you who actually think I am like that...you are a reh-tard). Anyways, I speak from experience. Just to get a simple consult with an ENT for septal surgery has taken SIX MONTHS! I have to wait six weeks to get a woman's exam at the base. My doctor kicked me out of an exam room WHILE I was having a mental meltdown and rudely asked me what I wanted him to do about it?! And these things happen in the military community. Now think of what is going to happen when every freaking person in the US is going to demand care. Now I readily agree that reform needs to happen. But not this way.
Ok that wasn't the best defense I have, but its the best I got for being hungry.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Day 82 thru 89: CONT...
Well just to let you all know...I passed the math quiz. So, now I am all caught up and in a good place. I have two TLC assignments to do and a test next week and venipuncture pass off next week..but now I can take a sigh of relief and I would have a celebratory glass of wine...however I am still sick, so I am waiting until my birthday party on Saturday. Which as of right now is only me.
Day 86: This has got to be the best day of nursing school so far. My very first ER rotation!!!!!!!!!!! I HAD SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!! The majority of the patients we had in the peds ER were upper respiratory infections and little falls. Most of the kiddos went home because usually upper respiratory infections are viral, so antibiotics don't work. A few kiddos were so congested they couldn't breathe, poor babies were admitted to the hospital. It was a hoppin' day in the peds unit. So we had to hold a few patients. But the best pt of the day was the teenage boy who totalled his mother's brand new BMW and didn't remember it. He didn't remember it because he was on drugs. We asked him to pee in a cup when he got there, but he couldn't, so the ER nurse (really cool guy), told him that if he didn't go in 20 minutes we would have to catheterize him! Well guess what?!?!?! He didn't pee, so I cathed him!!!!!! MY FIRST CATH EVER!!! It went perfectly!!! The step dad thought it was hilarious that his son got the first cath from a nursing student. Then I got to set up a syringe pump, with the same medication that tripped me up in lab. The nurse watched me the whole time, checked my calculations and talked me through the process. I did a fantastic job. By the end of the day, even though I knew i was sick...I didn't want to leave. I loved it. LOVED IT. ER is where I should be. I tried to beg my clinical instructor to let me stay there for the rest of the semester I am not sure she liked that idea all that much.
Day 87: "Online" class. So nothing but work. Although an interesting question was proposed: "Today women who perfer not to experience labor can elect to have a c-section. What are your thoughts on this? Do you believe it is a safe practice? Any concerns about the outcomes for mother or baby?"
My Response: "Elective c-sections are not based on the safety of the child or the mother. They are primarly cosmetic. I think women have been having children vaginally for thousands of years and have survived splendidly. If you are able to have your child naturally that is the best way to do it. We were designed this particular way for a reason. Why would you want to undergo surgery if you didn't have to? My great grandmother was born on a farm, premature. She slept in a shoe box by the stove for the first few months of her life. The woman is as health as a horse. Never had any serious medical problems and has outlived all of her siblings at the age of 94. She is not an anomaly or a rare occurance. I feel we are so focused on lawsuits and science, that we forget nature has been doing this for a lot longer than we have been studying it. Now this isn't say I am against c-sections. If it is necessary, its necessary. But I think nature deserves a chance first."
Day 88: IN YOUR FACE PROF MOM!!! I passed off on syringe pumps! Don't ever question my skills again. We also learned how to do venipuncture. HEHEHE. I couldn't bring myself to pass off on that day. My confidence in my skills have been rattled. This is an important skill and I want to make sure I do it right the first time. Texas thought I should just go ahead and do it. He said I was like Maverick when Goose died. Viper says "Keep him flying" so he can get his confidence back. Texas says that is what I need to do. In a way he is right. Although I do not like being compaired to a crazy dude like T Cruise. Anyways, I will just give myself some time on this one and pass off next week.
Day 89: Lecture, study group, lecture. And done.
Well next week is my birthday. Thus far my plan is to go bowling on Saturday night, and take myself out to lunch at Olives on my actual birthday. Sad I know, but I have class during the week and everyone is busy right before spring break. In a week and half I will be on my way home. I need a break from Vegas.
Day 86: This has got to be the best day of nursing school so far. My very first ER rotation!!!!!!!!!!! I HAD SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!! The majority of the patients we had in the peds ER were upper respiratory infections and little falls. Most of the kiddos went home because usually upper respiratory infections are viral, so antibiotics don't work. A few kiddos were so congested they couldn't breathe, poor babies were admitted to the hospital. It was a hoppin' day in the peds unit. So we had to hold a few patients. But the best pt of the day was the teenage boy who totalled his mother's brand new BMW and didn't remember it. He didn't remember it because he was on drugs. We asked him to pee in a cup when he got there, but he couldn't, so the ER nurse (really cool guy), told him that if he didn't go in 20 minutes we would have to catheterize him! Well guess what?!?!?! He didn't pee, so I cathed him!!!!!! MY FIRST CATH EVER!!! It went perfectly!!! The step dad thought it was hilarious that his son got the first cath from a nursing student. Then I got to set up a syringe pump, with the same medication that tripped me up in lab. The nurse watched me the whole time, checked my calculations and talked me through the process. I did a fantastic job. By the end of the day, even though I knew i was sick...I didn't want to leave. I loved it. LOVED IT. ER is where I should be. I tried to beg my clinical instructor to let me stay there for the rest of the semester I am not sure she liked that idea all that much.
Day 87: "Online" class. So nothing but work. Although an interesting question was proposed: "Today women who perfer not to experience labor can elect to have a c-section. What are your thoughts on this? Do you believe it is a safe practice? Any concerns about the outcomes for mother or baby?"
My Response: "Elective c-sections are not based on the safety of the child or the mother. They are primarly cosmetic. I think women have been having children vaginally for thousands of years and have survived splendidly. If you are able to have your child naturally that is the best way to do it. We were designed this particular way for a reason. Why would you want to undergo surgery if you didn't have to? My great grandmother was born on a farm, premature. She slept in a shoe box by the stove for the first few months of her life. The woman is as health as a horse. Never had any serious medical problems and has outlived all of her siblings at the age of 94. She is not an anomaly or a rare occurance. I feel we are so focused on lawsuits and science, that we forget nature has been doing this for a lot longer than we have been studying it. Now this isn't say I am against c-sections. If it is necessary, its necessary. But I think nature deserves a chance first."
Day 88: IN YOUR FACE PROF MOM!!! I passed off on syringe pumps! Don't ever question my skills again. We also learned how to do venipuncture. HEHEHE. I couldn't bring myself to pass off on that day. My confidence in my skills have been rattled. This is an important skill and I want to make sure I do it right the first time. Texas thought I should just go ahead and do it. He said I was like Maverick when Goose died. Viper says "Keep him flying" so he can get his confidence back. Texas says that is what I need to do. In a way he is right. Although I do not like being compaired to a crazy dude like T Cruise. Anyways, I will just give myself some time on this one and pass off next week.
Day 89: Lecture, study group, lecture. And done.
Well next week is my birthday. Thus far my plan is to go bowling on Saturday night, and take myself out to lunch at Olives on my actual birthday. Sad I know, but I have class during the week and everyone is busy right before spring break. In a week and half I will be on my way home. I need a break from Vegas.
Days 82-89: NICU, Shame, and ER
I first would like to start with an apology to my regular readers (all one of you) for my lack of consistency. You see I have been very sick, with God knows what, and I have had some shameful events take place. I will relate them all to you because I feel it is therapeutic to share my mistakes, now that I am sort of over them and have corrected them. So here we go!
Day 82: The NICU! Little tiny sick babies!! The desk nurse was none to happy to have a student that day, but oh well for her. The nursed that I shadowed was very nice...her English, not so much. We were to take care of a set of twin boys and a little girl. Now in order to be considered a premi and be admitted to the NICU, you must be born less the 38 weeks of gestation (unless you are a kick ass baby at 37 weeks and don't need any help) or you have to be a really sick baby. There are multiple problems that come with being born before 38 weeks..under developed lungs, inability to feed, inability to maintain body temperature...the list goes on. I can't remember how many weeks old the babies I took care of were, but I do know I was in something called the NICU 2...where the little babies take the last step to being discharged. So my babies were not big, but they weren't tiny or really sick...just little and born early. The day was VERY slow. I did a lot of changing diapers and swaddling. I met a DR that knows my father in law! It was crazy...although you have to follow him like a hawk. The nurse and I were so occupied with mom, dad, and grandma over one twin, we did not notice that Dr had left the other twin completely exposed. We went to teach dad how to change the diaper on the exposed twin and he took so long and the baby got so cold he peed on himself. I finally got him diapered and swaddled, but the exposure had gotten to the poor thing and his temperature dropped dramatically, so we couldn't feed him and we had to put him back in the warmer. By the end of the day he was warm enough to feed outside of the warmer. His brother on the other hand was doing fabulously. He ate a ton!!! About a half hour after we put him back to sleep he spit up all over himself...freezing himself!! So I quickly changed all of his stuff and he just would not stop crying so I put on gown and rocked a little 5lb baby for an hour. My "mommy" genes were screaming. I am so ready to have a little one!!! All in all it wasn't a bad day in the NICU. I am sure it would have been a different story had a seen the really tiny and sick babies. Sorry Andre...I still don't want to be a NICU nurse. :)
Day 83: Well this day was just work and Dr CSI's class. I had a presentation to make. Turns out I picked the same article another girl in my class did two weeks ago when I wasn't in class!!! Odd chance of that happening. I presented the article anyway. Not the best presentation I have ever done, but I was caught off guard by the repetitive nature of my report. Then we watch a video of a midwife in Mexico deliver her own baby at home..in water. Slightly disturbing. I am not a fan of the water births...it sort of grosses me out. You are sitting there in your own stuff. Blah!!
Day 84: This day was the day of failure. Of shear confidence breaking madness. Every semester we take a math test. Medication mistakes are a huge part of illness and death in the healthcare setting. Our teachers stress the importance of knowing how to properly calculate medications before we can administer them. I had studied for this test and yet I found out later I failed it by one question. The reason I failed was I didn't pay attention to detail. I flew through the test thinking it would be easy and it was, but my own hubris got the best of me in the details. The next failure was actually the first. We were passing off on giving medications via syringe pump. I was not confident about my math and ask Prof Mom to check it for me. I didn't know that asking her to check my math counted as a failure and just didn't think about it when she gave me a new scenario. We had to draw up the medications in front of her. TWICE I did it wrong (I spilled the medication, the first time and was under the impression from Prof Mom that I had done something wrong with the mechanical process of drawing up the meds.) So I re-drew and she asked me if I was happy with the way I had drawn up the medication. I could not think of what I did wrong, so I said yes, and she said I failed and was now a remediation. If I didn't pass the remediation, I would fail the course and be kicked out of the program. Want to know what I did wrong? She lined up three identical bottles in front of me and told me to draw up the medication all the bottles where labeled the same except look closely: Cefuroxime, Ceftriaxone, Cefotaxime. Now you tell me, if you were a nervous nursing student thinking you are only there to prove you can start a syringe pump, would you even bother to think you would be set up in such a way. And by the way...I was the only person in my class she did that too. I was kicking my self in the butt for my stupidity. I was PISSED!!! She would not let me take it again after class. No I had to go through the whole remediation crap! Which meant I had to come to open lab in my free time and practice...which I did and ended up teaching three other people in the class how to do it. Not only that I did it with the same drugs (although I checked multiple times, with the nurse watching) in the ER that weekend and I did it perfectly!! Needless to say I haven't had a panic attack that bad in a long time. Sorry Honey for exploding on you!!!!! My confidence was truly shaken. It still is in many ways.
Day 85: Lecture. I had to drag myself to class. I did not want to be there. All I wanted to do was test off and figure out what I did wrong on the math test. I was so distracted the whole day. The worst part about it was I had a peds exam that afternoon. The Vet Tech came out of that test (she is the smartest in the class) and said she thought that test was hard...when she thinks a test is hard, its hard. So we all thought we failed. Surprisingly I got an 83. Not bad...I thought.
I will have to continue this blog later today! I must go take my math quiz! TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!
Day 82: The NICU! Little tiny sick babies!! The desk nurse was none to happy to have a student that day, but oh well for her. The nursed that I shadowed was very nice...her English, not so much. We were to take care of a set of twin boys and a little girl. Now in order to be considered a premi and be admitted to the NICU, you must be born less the 38 weeks of gestation (unless you are a kick ass baby at 37 weeks and don't need any help) or you have to be a really sick baby. There are multiple problems that come with being born before 38 weeks..under developed lungs, inability to feed, inability to maintain body temperature...the list goes on. I can't remember how many weeks old the babies I took care of were, but I do know I was in something called the NICU 2...where the little babies take the last step to being discharged. So my babies were not big, but they weren't tiny or really sick...just little and born early. The day was VERY slow. I did a lot of changing diapers and swaddling. I met a DR that knows my father in law! It was crazy...although you have to follow him like a hawk. The nurse and I were so occupied with mom, dad, and grandma over one twin, we did not notice that Dr had left the other twin completely exposed. We went to teach dad how to change the diaper on the exposed twin and he took so long and the baby got so cold he peed on himself. I finally got him diapered and swaddled, but the exposure had gotten to the poor thing and his temperature dropped dramatically, so we couldn't feed him and we had to put him back in the warmer. By the end of the day he was warm enough to feed outside of the warmer. His brother on the other hand was doing fabulously. He ate a ton!!! About a half hour after we put him back to sleep he spit up all over himself...freezing himself!! So I quickly changed all of his stuff and he just would not stop crying so I put on gown and rocked a little 5lb baby for an hour. My "mommy" genes were screaming. I am so ready to have a little one!!! All in all it wasn't a bad day in the NICU. I am sure it would have been a different story had a seen the really tiny and sick babies. Sorry Andre...I still don't want to be a NICU nurse. :)
Day 83: Well this day was just work and Dr CSI's class. I had a presentation to make. Turns out I picked the same article another girl in my class did two weeks ago when I wasn't in class!!! Odd chance of that happening. I presented the article anyway. Not the best presentation I have ever done, but I was caught off guard by the repetitive nature of my report. Then we watch a video of a midwife in Mexico deliver her own baby at home..in water. Slightly disturbing. I am not a fan of the water births...it sort of grosses me out. You are sitting there in your own stuff. Blah!!
Day 84: This day was the day of failure. Of shear confidence breaking madness. Every semester we take a math test. Medication mistakes are a huge part of illness and death in the healthcare setting. Our teachers stress the importance of knowing how to properly calculate medications before we can administer them. I had studied for this test and yet I found out later I failed it by one question. The reason I failed was I didn't pay attention to detail. I flew through the test thinking it would be easy and it was, but my own hubris got the best of me in the details. The next failure was actually the first. We were passing off on giving medications via syringe pump. I was not confident about my math and ask Prof Mom to check it for me. I didn't know that asking her to check my math counted as a failure and just didn't think about it when she gave me a new scenario. We had to draw up the medications in front of her. TWICE I did it wrong (I spilled the medication, the first time and was under the impression from Prof Mom that I had done something wrong with the mechanical process of drawing up the meds.) So I re-drew and she asked me if I was happy with the way I had drawn up the medication. I could not think of what I did wrong, so I said yes, and she said I failed and was now a remediation. If I didn't pass the remediation, I would fail the course and be kicked out of the program. Want to know what I did wrong? She lined up three identical bottles in front of me and told me to draw up the medication all the bottles where labeled the same except look closely: Cefuroxime, Ceftriaxone, Cefotaxime. Now you tell me, if you were a nervous nursing student thinking you are only there to prove you can start a syringe pump, would you even bother to think you would be set up in such a way. And by the way...I was the only person in my class she did that too. I was kicking my self in the butt for my stupidity. I was PISSED!!! She would not let me take it again after class. No I had to go through the whole remediation crap! Which meant I had to come to open lab in my free time and practice...which I did and ended up teaching three other people in the class how to do it. Not only that I did it with the same drugs (although I checked multiple times, with the nurse watching) in the ER that weekend and I did it perfectly!! Needless to say I haven't had a panic attack that bad in a long time. Sorry Honey for exploding on you!!!!! My confidence was truly shaken. It still is in many ways.
Day 85: Lecture. I had to drag myself to class. I did not want to be there. All I wanted to do was test off and figure out what I did wrong on the math test. I was so distracted the whole day. The worst part about it was I had a peds exam that afternoon. The Vet Tech came out of that test (she is the smartest in the class) and said she thought that test was hard...when she thinks a test is hard, its hard. So we all thought we failed. Surprisingly I got an 83. Not bad...I thought.
I will have to continue this blog later today! I must go take my math quiz! TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!
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