A few
months ago I read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. I
didn’t agree with everything he had to say, some of what he said made me feel
guilty, and he said “fuck” a lot. He did make a lot good points and there were
some things I totally agreed with him about. He made some comments about the
lives people present on social media. Everyone presents a perfect life. Well
dressed, well behaved children, hilarious statement considering the photos I
just posted (At the time I initially starting writing this the photos I posted
were our professional family photos). Believe me it was a struggle just to get
those few, tons of tears, bribes with waffles and fruit snacks and bubbles. A
perfect house, a dream vacation, honestly when I post pictures taken in my
house I am careful to avoid the gross floors and toys everywhere, the piles of
dishes in the sink as well. However, it has now become trendy to have something
“wrong” with you. Mental health problems seem to be all the rage these days.
It is now
trendy to “not be ok”, disfunction is chic, which is something discussed in
Mark Mason’s book. Every celebrity now has something wrong with them, whether
it is gender, sexuality, health problems, or deep seeded childhood trauma. God
help you if you question them or doubt them. I know plenty of people who
overshare on a public forum. I guess with this blog I could be guilty of
oversharing. On some level it is good to open up about some things, opening up
about my fertility issues made me feel less alone, talking about my struggles
with running gets me advice and encouragement, which helps with motivation and
technique. There are some people who make sharing and talking about problems
human and relatable. Tiffany Jenkins of Juggling the Jenkins does this. She’s
honest, unassuming, and hilarious. I could name people who’s over sharing make
you go “ugh, foregodsakes,” insert an eye roll here, but I don’t want to name
them to draw more attention to them. I know what some of you are thinking “how
dare you criticize people for talking about mental health disorders, fertility,
childhood trauma! These things need to be recognized in society! How dare you!
You hypocrite.” I am not saying these things shouldn’t be talked about openly,
they should. The mental health of a person greatly effects every aspect of
their lives. My struggles with infertility affected everything around me and
everything in my life. Everything revolved around me trying to get pregnant and
trying to figure out and understand why it wasn’t happening. It made me feel
better talk about it, not only with my therapist but with a support group I
found on social media. What I am saying is, it has become an excuse to stay
relevant, especially for celebrities. You could argue celebrities opening up
about their struggles might encourage someone else to open up about theirs and
seek help. Possibly. But Mark Manson in his book argues, there is a line that
needs to be drawn between truly seeking help and understanding and just looking
for attention. It has become a true problem in society, especially in young
people and especially since the advent of social media.
Within
my above comments I talked about people ardently arguing with me about my
opinion, in a lot of cases rudely. Mr. Manson speaks about this trend as well.
On pages 56-57 talks about the ever-growing sense of privilege among teenagers
and young adults (people of my generation are increasingly guilty of this
sensation). The trending thought is the world should bend to my problems, my
triggers, my pain, and not the other way around. Has anyone else noticed the lack
of resilience in younger generations? Even within our own? Also the absolute
lack of respect for the first amendment and other people’s opinions? It comes
with an incredible sense of entitlement. It’s almost as if we are losing the
ability to actually deal with the realities of life. Mr. Manson calls all of
this (above comments included) “Victimhood Chic”, p 110-112. The truth is life
is hard. The world does not revolve around you and your triggers. People should
not be expected to adjust to you and it is incredibly arrogant and selfish of
you to expect people to do so. The truth does not bend to your will. Your
opinion is not gospel and everyone is entitled to one, that is the fantastic
thing about the first amendment. And sometimes the things that happen to you
are in fact your own damn fault and you have no right to blame other people.
One of the first steps to being an adult is taking responsibility for your own
actions. Being an actual victim of trauma or actually having a legitimate
health problem is not glamorous, it is not and should not be a means to make
yourself famous or keep relevant. Holy crap, I sound like my dad.
Soapbox
done. There is more to this soapbox but in all honesty I really just don’t want
to read the nasty comments that would come from it because this society has
forgotten that free speech works both ways. I am entitled to my opinion, and my
opinions are based on my observations, my life experiences, and the amount of
written information I consume. Let me tell you it’s a lot of written
information, less since I have had babies, but still a lot. The book asks you
to consider what you truly care about in life, what you’re willing to spend
your energy on. I had to really think about it. If you know me, you know I have
control issues. I stress about things I cannot control, I stress about things I
can control. I stress about things I make up in my head that might happen if
the right conditions are met. So I forced myself to truly look at my life. In
the last few months I have been under an immense amount of stress due to a
situation I cannot control and have little to no say in. I have allowed it to affect
my health and my relationships with friends and family. Letting it go
completely is not possible, but I can choose to not let it effect my life
completely. That is what I have taken from this book. Problems come up in life
and we can choose to let them consume us or we can face them head on. I chose,
for a time, to let this consume me. It won’t anymore, at least I hope it won’t.
Change and growth are never easy.
So what
does this book review have to do with my running? Well, my running is something
I do give a f*** about because it is connected to a lot of things in my life
that are priorities. For example, my health is a priority. Showing my children
a health lifestyle and being a healthy mom in more ways than one is important
to me. I was hoping through my training that I would finally be happy with the
body I have so I can show self confidence to my children and what a positive
body image is like, while being realistic. While I am not going to fat shame
anyone, if you’re overweight and like the way you look, good for you, but be
realistic about it. Being overweight is not a good thing, even if your doctor
tells you, you are healthy. Science has proven that time and again. While I am
not technically considered obese, I am overweight. I was hoping running and
weight lifting and eating healthy (which I have somewhat failed at, food and I
do not have a great relationship), that Martha, that is the name I have given
the thing that has become my abdomen, would shrink. I wasn’t expecting a flat
belly, but I was hoping I wouldn’t look like I am six months pregnant anymore.
With all the miles, with all the weights, all the saying no to the second
helping, Martha has not moved. Not even a little bit. It is incredibly
discouraging. So discouraging that I am wanting to chicken out on something I
have wanted to do for a long time: a fantasy photoshoot.
I
thought for my 40th birthday I would treat myself to a day of beauty
and find fun outfits and get some professional photographs done. In my head, I
didn’t have a flat belly but I sure did not have Martha. It’s disappointing. I
was hoping to take some good pictures for once in my life. Even professional
pictures I have had taken, while the photographer has done an amazing job, I have
never been happy with the way I look. Even on my wedding day (that is whole
different problem that I have cried about). And now that I am about 40 days out
from my 40th, after working hard (probably could have worked harder)
for the last year, I don’t think I can do it. All I will see is Martha and some
other flaws, but mostly Martha. At this point I feel like the only way I will
get rid of Martha would be a strict salad and water diet while working out four
hours a day every day for a year, or having her surgically removed. Neither
solution is possible. So at this point I am at a loss. I am not sure what to
do. I cannot accept Martha, but I am being told I cannot back out of my
photoshoot because it would be good for me. It is some thing I will have to
think about. All I want is one good picture. One picture where I feel like me.
Where I feel like, I worked hard for this. 
