Every Woman's Dilemma

Every woman whether she is 16 or 95 has some kind of problem with her body. Yes women at the age of 95 have problems with their body. My great grandmother who will be 96 cannot understand why she can't mow her lawn or get up and downstairs like she use to or remember who her grandchildren are. I am going to start by being flat out honest.  I HATE my body. Yes. I have since I hit puberty. My sister was always the gorgeous one. Even my ex thought she was hot. So here are the honest stats on me:

I am 5'3", 145lbs, I have cellulite, I am athletic which can be seen in my legs and shoulders. I have arm flaps and you can make a talking man with the fat on my tummy. I am pale and occasionally have bad skin. My teeth are crooked and not the whitest since I drink red wine and coffee. My shoulders are broad like a line backer which is why I NEVER wear spaghetti strap anything. I am flat chested but have the fanny any African American chick would die for. I also have a double chin...which is genetic, had it since I was 12. Right now I am fatter than I would like to be and out of shape. I do not have a good excuse for it. And I am reminded about my weight by my Dad and my Grandmother. I know I am smart. I know I am well read. However there are times when I feel like the stupidest person on the planet. I am not confident with men. I would rather be friends than try to date them. Just ask any man I have had a serious thing for...I am awkward and weird, I do and say stupid things. I went to both my proms STAG for heaven's sake! I dated one guy in high school and went on a total of three dates before I met my ex. Like I said a few days ago was the first time a good looking guy randomly asked me to dance. There is a VERY good chance I will NEVER get married again because of my awkwardness with men. However, I am a size 6 and I can hide any fat with black and I can cover my stupidity by putting a man in his place or out smarting him.

The point is, even Heidi Klum and Carmen Electra have day when they hate their body. No girl has serious confidence, just the appearance of it. The problem here is society and the expectations of men. HEY MEN!!!! Stop being shallow and objectifying. When you say you want a girl to bring home to mom. MEAN IT! Because whether we are 100lbs or 200lbs...its who we are on the INSIDE that counts!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Never Trust a Cowboy

I planned to write something completely different for this blog. Something about the past three years and my life and actions therein, but tonight has brought me to the same subject I have been blogging about for the past few times: love. No I am not in love...heaven forbid!!! Dead serious HEAVEN FORBID, because God only knows how much I never want to be in love again, eventhough I want a husband and children, and the whole happy ending...pieces of me know realistically it will never happen.

But nevermind that!!! Tonight something happened that has NEVER happened in the WHOLE history of me. Some random cowboy asked me to dance...like a gentleman. I was so shocked by the end of both dances I was visably shaking. I tried so hard to focus on my steps and not make a fool out of myself. What made the whole situation worse was, we were the only people on the floor!!! He asked me again later on. I finally got up the nerve to ask him for the next however he seemed to disappear before the promised dance.

Now I wouldn't normally automatically go to the place of distrust...however....I have noticed a pattern with cowboys...or at least cowboys at this selected venue. They seem to have an unending supply of partners. Whether they are ladies they already know or ladies they just met, for those who are not in the know it doesn't really matter. Whatever happened to the one woman cowboy? The pursuit of boy and girl, the wooing? Even if it is for just one night? And when did I lose the ability of being able to tell the difference between a man playing the "game" and an honest man? Do honest men still exsist or will I be asking the same question as Paula Cole : where have all the cowboys gone?

The White Flag and The Point

I think my last post was a bit misunderstood. First of all, I was writing from my book so maybe without the back story its a little hard to understand, but I still think my point was missed.

I was speaking about romantic love. Some of my favorite books are about the couple getting together in the end: Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Twilight, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Much Ado About Nothing, Bridget Jones' Diary (which coincidentally happens to be one of my favorite movies), Memoirs of a Geisha, Stardust (I happen to like the movie better than the book). I think you get the point. Of course I agree that there is no greater love than that of Christ's. It has been suggested that St Teresa of Avila was given to throws of ecstasy when spoken to by the Lord. Whether this was mainly the suggestion of Bernini's masterpiece or he was bringing to light something that had already been whispered, I do not remember. But outside the grace of God, there is no such thing as love as it is between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, Harry and Ginny, Bella and Edward, Titania and Oberon, Beatrice and Benedict, Bridget and Mark, Sayuri and the Chairman, Yvainne and Tristan. No, the simple truth is, romantic love, is like the following: Hamlet and Ophelia, Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, Queen Elizabeth I and England, Elaine and Lancelot. Each story has a fair maiden and a handsome knight, but in the end each one ends sadly. Hamlet on his quest for the truth lied to poor Ophelia, which lead her to suicide. While Anne and Henry's relationship was passionate in the beginning, Henry's renowned wondering eye and desire to be the coolest king ever, left Anne without a head. Queen Elizabeth was denied marrying whom she wanted and eventual died childless married to her work. Elaine thought she had romantic love with Lancelot who rescued her from a horrible curse, married her, had a child with her, and ended up cheating on her with the Queen. She died of grief.