Since I hopefully wont be a student for much longer I have officially decided to change the angle of my blog. Of course I will keep you all informed of what is going on in preceptor, but its time to start a new chapter in my life.
I feel it time for me to write some ugly truths. First with some confessions. The name of my blog comes from one of my favorite songs "Name" by the Goo Goo Dolls. Its also steams from the fact that I do write letters that I have no intention of sharing or sending to the person they are written for. I have been doing this for years. I find it very cathartic considering I am never quick enough with my tongue to get the deserving person the verbal bashing they deserve until well after the fact and it helps me unload emotions, thoughts, and feelings I wish I had the courage to say. I suppose of I am going to go along with this new chapter in life I might as well start sharing them with all of you and see how it goes. My friend Tom pointed out Psalms 51 to me which reads "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and contrite heart..." Psalms 51:17. So I figured before I would take the advice of Evans Blue from their song "Over": "...burn all your bridges while you still have control of the flame..." So this broken spirit and broken hear are going to light some fires and not look back. Its going to start with something I wrote years ago. I have been trying to write a book for years...clearly not going well. I at least got some short stories published (Thank you Megan). Here is the introduction to my book:
There is no such thing as romance. There are no love songs, there are no love stories. What there is, is lies. She kept telling herself that. Every story ends the same. Boy meets girl. One of them loves the other or they love each other. There is something keeping them from being together. However, it all works out in the end, but if it doesn't they are all dead so it doesn't matter anyway. There is no such thing as that "fluttering" feeling in the stomach that is suppose to be love. If the feeling persists, go see the doctor because its gas bubbles or nerves, or there is a slight GI problem.
The is however burning animal lust. Not out of attractiveness or being connected to someone, its the call of nature. The body is at the right temperature and the right mixer of hormones is circulating to cause the "burning desire" sensation, which ultimately causes teenagers and adults alike to come together in a union unsuitable for the eyes of children. What is so pleasurable about raw human or,in some cases, animal nature? Sex is functional. If it is allowed to become pleasurable it shows lack of self control over the body. Some say its a matter of the heart. The heart is an ugly organ that serves to circulate blood throughout the body. The heart does not have feelings. Now if the heart breaks, as in stops working properly, there is physical pain. While on the topic of hearts "breaking" or detachment from a mate it cannot scientifically cause physical pain.
The pain said persons feel is all mental. Once again its mind over body. Although there are those who cause their mental pain to manifest into physical pain. You can actually die of a broken heart, not because you've had an myocardial infarction, but because you have simply lost the will to live. Some think this is beautiful. How is willing yourself to die for any reason beautiful? There are those feel that they are in so much pain they have to inflict it upon themselves by cutting into their flesh or participating in other physically destructive behavior. Frankly this method shows lack of maturity and self control. Who would want to mate with that person anyway?
Another way the heart is said to break, is by the death of a loved one. It is only human to be sad when a person passes, yet there is no reason for the heart to break. Death is a natural part of life. When it's time to go it's time to go, no matter how it is done.
Last there is suppose to be a war between the heart and the brain. Seeing how their is no evidence of the emotional heart that can proverbially break, it's really a battle between the logical brain and the emotional brain. Emotions, those of romantic love, are weak and therefore must be cast aside by logic which dictates that there is no such thing as romantic love.
I know the question will be asked: do I still believe this? While I have succumbed to some of the folly's I pointed out, yes I do. My brother wrote a little piece about love a few weeks ago which defined his idea of love, what it means to love, and how a person should love. It left me with one comment: the only perfect love anyone can ever expect in this life is that of Christ's. He posted with that note a link to a youtube video which happened to be the music video for a song called "What Love Really Means" by JJ Heller. She poses the question "who will love me for me?" My answer: aside from God, no one. We are human and we are never satisfied with what we have and what we are given. I love asking people, men in particular these days, what it is they are looking for in a mate. They all have the same answer, just stated in various different ways. But in the end what they really end up wanting is your best friend, someone they are disgusted by but are with because they are drunk, or Romanian strippers.
This weekend has solidified my complete disgust for the opposite sex. I officially give up. I will write down the lyrics to "Hear Me Now" by Jimmy Eat World, "Champagne High" by Sister Hazel, and "Are You Going to Kiss Me or Not" by Thompson Square, burn them, and be done with the three biggest hypocritical idiots on the planet.
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