I think at the age of 28 I am finally able to articulate what I want in a mate. I am no longer blinded by the unrealities of love and relationships. When I was younger I always imagined being apart of some epic romantic love story. What girl didn't? For a time I always hoped my marriage would turn into this story of struggle finding hope and peace. I now realize that was unrealistic of me and only caused me great disappointment. I am no longer naive enough to believe I will have the epic romance of Elizabeth Bennett and Fitzwilliam Darcy, but I am going to do my best to come close to it.
In the past few months a lot of my family and friends have felt the need to weigh in on what they think I need and deserve (thank you to you all) in a future mate. I have been told multiple times I need to find a man that worships the ground I walk on and treats me like a queen. I have been told I need someone I respect and who can keep me in line. Someone strong and emotionally sensitive. While all these things are great, they are all akin to a double edge sword. I have found most men are too much or not enough in these departments. I am not willing to compromise. I did that once.
I met a guy who worshiped the ground I walked on, who treated me like a queen. He was also emotionally sensitive, While these things were a nice change of pace, they quickly lost their charms and that made it easy for me to see that all I was going to end up doing was compromising on what I want again.
I don't want a man that worships me or puts me on a throne. I want one that has eyes for no one else when I am in the room. When we are out to dinner, without effort, he ignores the waitress who is flirting with him. When he tells me I am beautiful, he means it.
I am not against a man being emotionally sensitive, but there is a limit. When a man cries more than me or is easily offended I cannot see him for anything more than a friend. A man who denies how he feels or is incapable of expressing his emotions in an appropriate manner tells me something about his level of maturity and his lack of ability to communicate appropriately.
I firmly believe communication is key to a relationship, most importantly to a developing relationship. I have a hard time talking to men I am interested in dating. I can talk to anyone, but when I am interested I struggle. Most of the time I come off as overly aggressive and a chatter box because I am trying to keep the conversation going. I do not want to come off as being boring, but it looks like I am a crazy person instead. I want a man who can and will innate conversation, who takes interest in what I have to say and wants to know what I think. Along with that I want a guy who is ok sitting in silence and looking at the stars.
Someone I respect and who is honest should go without saying. A person learns pretty quickly if I do not respect them. I like firm men, however within reason. A guy who thinks I need to be protected and taken care of annoys me. I personally find it insulting if any man feels that way about me. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Here's where it gets complicated. I, of course, want a man who is going to protect me and take care of me. It sounds like a contradiction, but I want the relationship to be one of understanding. I want to be able to say "you're the one I respect enough to allow you to protect me." I know it sounds condescending, but in reality it is a sign of trust. I trust you enough to allow myself to be vulnerable in front of you without worrying what you think.
That is the last key. I don't want someone who runs away or gets frustrated when I have a few bad days or I don't feel well. Someone who can handle the once a month emotional roller coaster by handing me some chocolate and giving me a hug. Someone who can accept me for who I am and not want to change me, just help and encourage me to improve. And someone who can handle my family.
The rest is semantics and negotiable. I know it's a lot to ask of a person, but I am slowly starting to believe what people are telling me: I have a lot to offer.
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